enjoy the second quarter of 2008 by having one new and fulfilling experience in April, May, and June. Woo Hoo!

I continued my relationship with my guy, and developed it into something special. I feel different, so that’s new and fulfilling; as is my sex life. I just hope it works out.

I can’t think of a single experience. The whole relationship is one. It’s making me realize how events are changing me.

So, me and the guy I was seeing ended up getting together. He’s separating from his wife (not because of me) and not moving away. It had been almost two years since I’d been in a relationship. I’m very happy with him :) This should bring lots of good things to my life.

I’m meeting up with the guy I was involved with, just because I feel it would be good to talk properly. And definitely out of work, where everyone is noticing… He’s a really interesting and very nice person, so I’ll see. I’m just worried he likes me too much. Besides, he’ll only be disappointed.

Generally, work is going really well this month. Probation was a huge confidence boost, which made me realize I’m actually pretty good at what I do! I intend to try out for senior position one day. Even with all the rumors, I’m enjoying it. The untrue rumors are funny, anyway.

I also got up the courage to go to the doctor, to look into the possibility of me being bipolar. I’ll see how that progresses.

Although, I haven’t felt this bad for a while.

1. I got into a relationship with a married guy. I knew it was wrong, I felt guilty, but I carried on. I always said I wouldn’t even date someone at work. I broke it up today. He’s meant to be leaving in a few weeks, anyway, and having me around is making him have second thoughts. Neither of us want to have a secret relationship, and I was worried he felt more for me than I did for him. I didn’t want him to ruin anything he already had for a chance that something might work between us. It’s a damn shame – he was a nice guy, and I hope so much he’ll still want to talk to me. That would be the fulfilling part.

2. I called the doctor today to make an appointment to get bipolar diagnosis. I was very scared, and didn’t even know if I was doing the right thing. I dunno. I guess it’s worth finding out? I didn’t get an appointment today, so I guess I’ll have to try tomorrow…

3. Not at all fulfilling, and possibly not even new, but because bad things come in threes, I walked into a tree while staring at my phone.

Ugh, I feel terrible now. I hope it can go on up from here.

I thinking about going to the doctor to get diagnosis to whether or not I’m bipolar. I dunno if it would help at all… I guess it’s worth finding out.

This is what I wrote about my karate camp, easily the most fun and fulfilling event for a long time.

I just had the most awesome weekend. I’ve been told everyone’s first camp is very memorable, and I’m sure this one will be, but I can’t contain myself from writing all about it anyway.

I have to say, I was expecting it to be a lot tougher than it was, but not nearly as fun, so that kinda balances it out. Summer camp will most likely be harder, and I will definitely be there for that.

Okay, I will try to write somewhat logically, if I can. Not that that happens usually when I write, but I shall try.

I was really fucking nervous before I went. That was for two reasons though, the second being I realized I’d gone home the night before with two sets of PRN meds from work. But, when I had that sorted out, and camp started, everything was good.

We had about an hour of briefing, as we had a lot of students who were new to camp – us three 10th kyu (1st blue) and all the brown belt kids. There were mainly two rules – do whatever you’re told to do (because no one knew what was coming next), and ask no questions. Plus, Shihan has a very strange sense of humor. When she shouts, she sounds really fierce, and then she’ll start laughing immediately afterwards. It’s pretty strange, but she makes an excellent leader.

So, we dumped all our stuff in our rooms, and then ran straight out into the field. I think we did hill running, followed by pair work and the traditional karate stretching. This was all in the white gi, so from we were very muddy from that point on. Especially, when we had to lie face down on the ground. “Embrace the earth!” moment – I said something retarded like that.

Then we did real karate outside, with private practise of kata following that. Except, I couldn’t completely remember Anaku at this point… so I hope no one was watching me much. Actually, that something I’ve improved on incredibly, so I’m happy about that!

Damn, then what happened… Time was going real quick, so it may have then been lunch. Meals were some of the best times, purely because I really only knew Julia (my blue belt friend) and Gemma (a brown belt I always turn to when I have questions), so I could intentionally not sit with them most of the time, and I got to talk to so many people I’d barely met before. I feel much more a part of the school now.

Shihan is Jack Bauer/Kiefer Sutherland obsessed, so we then watched a documentary on 24. Yeah… that was probably the easiest part of camp. But! it was supposed to be inspiration for the kids to go make up some fight scenes. So, we went of and did pilates, while they did that. But the best part was getting to watch the fight scenes. There were some really good ones – mainly through comic value.

Before that, though, we had so much fun doing knife attacks. I partnered up with Will, who is yellow belt, so that was a good standard for me. We started practising falling over dramatically at the end of one attack, and I got really into it. And then my regular technique improved tremendously. Being happy was the key to doing well for me throughout. A lot of people said how I didn’t stop smiling, or bouncing with energy, the entire time.

Straight after that, we made teams and played soccer and floor hockey. My team was full of awesome people. And we called ourselves ‘The Puckuliars’ – a damn good name. I used to hate playing sport. A lot. But it was actually one of the best things we’d done all day. I just ran at the ball, laughing my ass off. Especially in hockey. Except that was a puck, obviously.

It was good fun though.

And that was the end of the day. There was dinner in there somewhere, but, damn, time went so fast. We sent all the kids to bed, and then most of the guys around my age left, too. Saki, wine and chocolate came out, and no one seemed to care we were gonna get up at some unknown early hour.

All everyone had been talking about was getting up super early, and going for a run, so I convinced myself I was really up for it. It worked so well, too. I kept waking up in the night thinking “Surely they’re gonna wake us up now…? No. Awesome!” It made sleeping more enjoyable.

When we did get up, it was 0400, and we had fifteen minutes to meet outside. I literally jumped out of bed and was going “Fuck yes! I am so up for this!” I think I was sixth person out the door (there were 42 of us at this point). Obviously, it was still dark at this time, and where we were going was just pure mud at parts. And in a white gi, which has to be clean by next karate session? Insane.

So, we were in pretty much random running groups. Usually, it’s speed based, so I’m gonna get to go in the fast group next time. I hope, anyway! I need the challenge. Although, we did have a real slow runner, so every time there was a huge gap, those of us at the front had to circle all the way around to her. That made up for it.

I think we ran two miles, and then reached a bridge, where the brown belts all did their kata, which is where it’s designed to be done. It looked awesome. And then we ran back, except they moved the fastest people in my group to the one with the kids. But I was the fastest! Damn right!

I was disappointed how easy that run was, though, after everyone had been making it sound like the worst part of camp. There was just one hill I struggled on, but other than that, it was kinda easy. I wasn’t even out of breath… But at the same time! it’s good knowing I can do that, because I had no idea I could run.

Being up that early made a really long day. I think I should get up that early every day, and run! Yeah… maybe. It would be better if there was more camps, at least. We did pad work, which we never do in regular sessions, and then we went swimming.

Oh, man. Water polo was so fun. It was like the sport the day before. No real rules. Sometimes we were all wrestling each other for the ball. That was okay! – as it was just guys and me for sometime. But, seriously, I had a great time.

I think all we did after that (before the grand finale) was kata practise. As I said, I think I improved a lot. Even though I only know Kenshuho and Ananku. I always find myself wishing I was learning the next one to what I’m doing, because they look so beautiful.

It had snowed about the time most people would consider the beginning of the morning (normal people, who don’t go training in the dark), so we’d all been wondering if we’d be doing anything in the snow. Camp ends with what we call Giant Kion. It’s pretty much just the most repetitions of technique ever imagined. After a while, you just stop thinking, and get with the flow. It was the first time this had ever been done in the snow. To end, there was huge amounts of Kenshuho kata, and by some amazing chance, it started snowing again, so the adults all took off their sweaters, and we did the first kata. What an awesome experience is that?

Shihan said to us, “You know, you are the luckiest people in the world.”
“Hei!”
“Give me twenty pushups then!”
Pushups in the snow – it was lovely.

And then we did the kata one last time. I thought I could barely speak from yelling on techniques, but we had to give this one everything. I have never done Kenshuho so well. I could have come somewhere in the competition in a kata like that. We had “Kiai!” echoing all over the village. That was such a good end to camp. I can’t wait til the next one.

This month is already off to the best start ever. To start with, I finally had my first driving lesson – I need to book and make another.

I got the form for the karate grading! I found out everyone who is going for a junior is automatically invited to this one, and most of the senior grades, too. You are then told nearer the time if you’re not up to the standard. It’s the first one I will go to that is the whole school, rather than us going for blue belt. I’m gonna stay for a while after the junior grading, and watch the students go for Dan Grades, before I have to leave for work. Gonna try to get my sister to come along, just to see what she thinks of it all.

I also picked up something about a Swimathon from my gym today. The leaflets must have been there for ages, and I’ve just ignored them until now, because it’s less than two weeks from now. Luckily, it’s on a day where I’m working an early shift (that is some luck, as I almost always end up working doubles on Fridays!). A team can be 2-5 people, so I hope I can get at least one other person, so we can go for the 5k swim. Otherwise, I’ll do the 2.5k on my own (I don’t wanna risk that so much, as I’m sure I’ll need to pee half way through!).

Next month is gonna be great – my first driving lesson and karate camp will be two new experiences, which I’m very much looking forward to. I’ve also booked to go horse riding with my sister – as it’s been far too long!

Annnd, I should have my second karate grading… I’m worried, because I’m pretty sure I should have been invited, but I’ve been forgotten. It’s okay, though. It means a lot of us blue belts are in the same position. I’ll talk to one of my brown belt friends, or maybe even a black belt, as I’m not allowed to actually ask Shihan (my teacher) if I am invited.