practice pronoia

it has felt, instead, as if life is stacked against us. we’ve been feeling bullied by it, not encouraged.
but i think we may have turned the tide on that last night. getting by with a li’l help from our friends. (thanks Mel!)
it is habit to notice when things go wrong. and we feel the insult deeply, especially when what we are trying to do is right and good and ecological, etc., and it goes wrong. we wanna rant, and scream, and chastise the Universe for not frustrating the Bad People with the Bad Goals. go short out the electronics that are killing thousands (the bombs, the tanks, or even the walkie-talkies!) NOT the diesel truck we wanna convert to veggie oil!!! We need to believe the warmongers and earth-rapers are not getting all the damn breaks.

it felt like the universe was shitting on me.
and then i got challenged about that. if i really do have everything i need just when i need it (and ii truly believe i do) then why did i need that incident? what need of mine generated it? what belief was being manifested in that incident? and the answer to that one was “it always seems like there is just one more thing i can’t handle just when i start to climb out of the hole”
he was right when he told me i’m a lot more powerful than i am willing to believe.
how about this one: “i am only ever presented with challenges i am ready and able to face.”

serendipity happened. i decided to wander into new neighborhoods to look for dinner while Dovey had her app’t on friday. we were drawn to this little thai restaurant next door to a little thai knick-knack shop. we looked over the menu in the window and saw reasonable prices, but had still not decided completely on thai or not. so we wandered into the shop next door and almost immediately spotted why we were there: the rolls (2×4 feet!) of handmade paper, thick as cardstock. but it gets better, because i decided to ask the proprietor about the food next door. she said that it was great and that her recommendation was not due to the fact she is their in-law. she was right! it was the best chicken satay i’ve had yet, and a generous portion to boot! go serendipity! woo-hoo!

we had a very positive experience, and got through the entire pap exam without any re-trauma. the kids have been very empowered by dr. liz and the folks at lyon-martin, and felt safe throughout the entire visit. we all gave them a lot of good preparation, and they have built quite a lot of trust for the people at “our doctor place.”
so as we were waiting for Dovey’s appointment time, a guy with a camera, (from UCLA filming a documentary on the impact of community clinics, as it turned out) came into the waiting room and asked if we would mind being filmed.
this was a Divine Opportunity for healing, an opportunity to not only tell our story, but in service to something that can be used to garner more support and funding for these havens of healthcare, a way to pay it forward! we decided- and offered to share our story of the impact that Lyon-Martin Clinic has had in our healing.
we’re gonna put it here too (briefly) in case it can be a tool for others who might be reading:
i am an incest survivor who began a few years ago to remember the parts of my childhood that had been locked away from memory, inaccessible. one of the things i’ve remembered is that the family doctor had a hand in facilitating the incest. i (a plural word for me) have little kids inside for whom a doctor visit was beyond terrifying. knowing this, i knew i would need to find a place where a terrified little kid in a 30-something year old body could learn that not all doctors are bad and hurtful. the folks at lyon-martin have been that healing experience. the kids have a doctor that they trust, a place we all feel safe to be cared for when we are ill.

may every wounded child be so Blessed. thank you for sharing this with me.