You know, I find myself always coming back to this one topic!
I find the belief in myself is growing stronger these days. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m graduating from high school and things are finally coming together. Who knows!
But today we finished up our field hockey tournament and man oh man. My hits! I’m stronger, I’m faster, I WANT to win, when I go to challange, I know I’ll strip the ball off them, I know where I’m going to pass.
I’M CONFIDENT!! Sports have always been killer for me, I’ve always been good at them, always on the higher team yet I’ve always thought of myself as complete shit.
Today I blew myself away. I had passion!!
SUCCESS!! ( if i’m spelling that right haha )
I GOT MY DIPLOMA MARKS TODAY (important marks for getting into university.. basically they’re like SATS but way harder and worth 50% of your overall mark)
MATH – 95% (OH….. MY….. GOD!!!!!!!!!!!)
BIO – 92%
PHYSICS – 87%
ENGLIGH – 70% (haha oh well..english is english)
You know what guys! I really am starting to believe that YES! I CAN succeed!! I can become an engineer!
I believe in ME!!
Calculus unit – 25.5/25
I believe that’s 102%
I’m so proud of myself AGAIN!
Guess who made honor roll again!!!!
That means.. if I make it ONCE MORE, I’ve then made all honor rolls every year of my high school life! FABULOUS!
AND I GET FREE FOOD!!!!!!
I’m so fricken proud of myself!
having a pit in your stomach for 7 days straight is not a nice feeling at all. how the hell am i going to pull off four diplomas?
Man do I post a lot for this goal.
I’m feeling semi-better about studying for diplomas.
I got “The Key” today. I spent $120 dollars on four study guides! And they say it gets worse in university, wow… can’t wait. Anyway, so did the unit in the key that I studied for, got 100% Yipee! Of course right after, I think – wow now I only have a week left to study the other six units, plus 3 other courses.
Optimist and Pessimist.
Good news- Optimist is starting to show through more. 8)
So I’m taking a practice exam for the transformations section in Math, all to study for my upcoming diploma in January.
I got a 32/35. That’s 3 questions wrong and right away I’m telling myself this isn’t good.
It was ONLY 3 questions!! Why the hell can’t I be happy?!
91% and you know what I thought “Oh BARELY a 90, I should have gotten better”
God I hate myself sometimes.
Why do I always have to be down on myself with things like this?
It’s always been marks and I’ve never been good enough.
I’m my worst critic.
Oh how low I’m feeling right now.
I want to be successful but why do I have to doubt myself so much? I’m holding myself back. Isn’t that pathetic?
Why does it feel like there’s nothing on my side? It’s all against me?
My math marked dropped to an 84. I feel like the stupidest kid in my class right now. Why can’t it be higher?
I feel like I should work harder, but I can’t. I just freakin can’t. I’m so tired of working, and when I do work I never see the pay off. Maybe once, I got a 100% on my bio unit, and you want to know how much my mark went up? 2 PERCENT. THAT’S ALL.
And I lied, I don’t feel like I work hard enough, but I’m sick of it all.
I’m so angry with myself, I want to work harder. I want marks that I feel I can only dream of.
I want to be proud of myself and of my marks and I’m not. Not even close.
I want to just give up, I know I can’t but I’m tired. I’m tired of trying to make myself happy. I just can’t.
I’m confused, I’m tired and I’m frustrated. Why can’t anything ever go my way for once?
Maybe to you this has nothing to do with believing in ones self, but it does to me. It feels like I’m fighting myself. How dramatic, I know, but does anyone else feel that way, at least some of the time?
My confidence level in myself and succeeding at school.
I’m not happy with my marks AT ALL.
It feels like these days that everyone I talk too, their marks always happen to be just a teensy bit higher.
How am I ever going to succeed at engineering?
I DONT EVEN KNOW IF THATS MY DREAM!
I’m so confused, I hate it. I hate how I feel right at this moment.
Why can’t I ever just be happy with my marks? Happy with myself?