To live instead of exist

i’ve offcially been diabetic for 3 whole months!
it’s not too bad right now as I’m still making insulin (that’ll stop eventually) but honestly, as bad as this situation is or can be, i’ve learned a lot – still am. good gosh your body is an amazing machine! i have a lot more respect for my metabolism now haha and I’m not abusing it as much as I used too… and no i did not get diabetes from eating too much sugar.. i’m beginning to hate that question
diabetes keeps me on my toes that’s for sure, but I think I like it that way. Stops me from being lazy. sure i’m only 3 months in.. but that’s longer then 2.. or 1! chya!

now if only engineering would could so easily.. geeeesh

i was i guess you can say, humbled, last thursday. i would say that i got a little cocky, that i thought i was unbeatable. being diagnosed i think opened my eyes. i’m taking it day my day again, not get to caught up in lifes worries. school really took me away from a lot of things these past 4 months, i feel like i’m finally getting my feet back on the ground, living again!

Who doesn’t love those? They make you feel so alive. Smiling for not reason!!

Christmas music definitely does that to me!

First three months of university have definitely shaken up the routine of life! I’m finding the thing that’s keeping me afloat amongst all the stress is laughing.

dang i should have discovered this earlier on.

yep, i’m having fun with what’s left of the summer… baha

I cried when I finished harry potter. I was sad because it ws the last book.

Sad isnt it? Crying about a book!! Yet then it made me think of all the other people right at that moment, 1:30 in the morning with bloodshot eyes from lack of sleep, also finishing the book, or maybe just beginning it, or maybe even re-reading it for a second, third or fourth time.

What emotion was brought forth in them when they read that last sentence? It’s insane how something as small as that, a book, can evoke such strong feelings.

Either that or I’m mental, which I think is entirely possible too. :)

Moments I LIVED,

I walked the stage yesterday!
I accepted my diploma!
I didn’t trip!
I smiled in about 200 different photo ops!
I cried a little when they spoke about one of my teachers death.
I answered the same question (“What are you doing next year?”) about 80 different times!
I watched the sunset with four of my best friends!
I went to bed smiling!

Living is that moment when you feel. Feel passion, fear, happiness, sadness, anger, envy, calm, shame, confidence, love, wonder.
EMOTION!

I lived when I made the team
I lived when I was accepted to engineering
I lived when I flirted with the starbucks guy
I lived when I tripped walking away from the starbucks guy

I live!!!

Every so often we all fall into the routine. We exist.
Remember to live, remember to feel.

Living – Realizing I just found my soulmate at the age of 17!
Existing – Reality hitting, he just moved to another country.

Oh life!

I want this moment to be over. I want to get it over with.
I’m tired of stress, it’s making me sick. I look like death.
My life is consumed by school. It’s disgusting.

Why can’t I just run away for a day?
Escape my problems, enjoy the little things, not care about what’s due the next day, what tests are coming up.

I want to experience my grade 12 year!! I want to go to the basketball games, partipate in fundraisers, go to the plays. But I can’t! I just freakin can’t and it’s driving me mad.
I need time.

24 hours – more like 59835398. Yeah, then I’d be good.