NOT see or contact him in any way/any form for 60 days

Hi everyone,

I haven’t been around for quite a while… because… I am PREGNANT! With being constantly tired, nauseas, hungry for the first trimester, it had been hard to keep track of anything else besides eating and resting.

I am going to try to catch up on the posts here.

Here’s a photo of my baby’s 3D ultrasound at 20 weeks.

Can anyone help this lady out? http://www.getoverhim.org/forums/viewtopic.php?t=95

Please, no judging, constructive advice please.

Thanks.
P.S. if you have not registered on the forum, please do so, and let me know your username so I can activate you right away.

On a less serious note, instead of listening to sad songs during a break up, how about nominating some uplifting(ish) breakup anthems?

here are my nominations:

• I will survive – Gloria Gaynor
• Independant Woman – Destiny’s Child
• I don’t need a man – Pussycat Dolls
• Survivor – Destiny’s Child

Anyone have more to add?

“Without recovery, when we think the issue is about whether or not we should leave, it is usually really about winning vesus losing.

Ironically, it’s easier to leave, if that’s what we finally need to do, after we have some recovery under our belts, because recovery doesn’t mean winning—it means not playing.”

—Daily Mediation for Women who love too much, Robin Norwood

Hi Girls,

Just thought I’d share one of my wedding photos with you.

It’s good to see the “team” growing and quite a few of you have “graduated (completed the first 60 days)”.

For all those who are still struggling through the journey, keep positive, take it one day at a time. You WILL complete the 60 days, and you WILL feel better and stronger for it.

I am getting married in 5 days, to a man who patiently waited by my side for the past 3 years, who supported me through some of my darkest hours.

I sit thinking right now… am I truly over “him”, what really is being “over” some one? I realised this:

• I still love SP, truth be told I do not think I will ever stop loving him.

However,

• Once I took the vows of marriage, I will give my full heart and attention to give it a good go. A promise is a promise, and even if the love I feel for my fiance is different to how I feel for SP, I know now that every relationship is different. It takes works as well as love for a marriage to work

• I no longer feel any anger/resentment towards him,
• I no longer feel any jealousy thinking that he would find a good woman who would love him equally or more deeply than I do and she would make him happy
• I am no longer afraid that he will find a good woman to make his life complete
• I only wish him the best in life and wish him happiness and contentment

• I am no longer sad, miserable, angry, lost, about the failed relationship and about myself
• I accepted my responsibility in the pain, and have forgiven myself

I realised, yes I still do love SP, but I AM “over” him, in such that my love does not require me to possess him in any way, my love no longer stop me from being fully functional in my own life. Getting over someone, is reaching an acceptance, acceptance of the loss, acceptance of hope for the future, acceptance for the love that had been.

Another chapter of my life is about to begin… A time for commiseration AND celebration…

I was talking to a friend who recently embarked on the journey for his first 60 days NC. We were discussing what love is… and here’s what I said…

What is love really. Many people confuse it with lust and many confused it with the need to be with someone, so that they are not alone.

True love never demands anything in return, it lies within our own selves, in being content with ourselves. In loving others in a way which doesn’t burden the other person. True love forgives wrong doings and holds only well wishes for others to reach their fullest potentials. True love also lies in loving those who we may not have met yet needed love and care.

A higher form of love frees ourselves from pain, from being demanding. We give, and in giving, we experience love.

Jetison emailed me yesterday, and she has a great idea: Sponsors. Like Alcoholic Anonymous groups, each AA member gets a sponsor, a person he/she can call at moments of weakness.

How about we try to pair people up and create a sponsor system? Preferrable, we pair up a person who’s completed at least their first 60 days, with someone who’s still in their first 60 days?

Let’s try to put down some names, please reply to this message as comments, and let me know if you’d like to be a sponsor or sponsee.

I will update the list of sponsor/sponsees here as people put their hands up. Come on poeple, this could be fun as well as helpful. :)

Sponsor: LesEtoiles
Sponsee: ABetterMe

Sponsor: ABetterMe
Sponsee:

Sponsor: Hauki
Sponsee: Juno4444

Just wondering how everyone’s going?

Numbers…

I had a chat with a friend of mine a few months ago, and here is how it went:

Me: I know he hurt me a lot, but there were days that we were together that I was just so very happy, so happy like I had never been happy before…

Friend: Tell me, how many days were you happy with him?

Me: The days we were together and when he was with Me and only Me…

Friend: how many days were they exactly?

Me: (paused)

Friend: Let me put it this way, how many days were you happy in a month when you were with him?

Me: (wimpers) 1 or 2…

Friend: How many days did he disppear and did his own “things”?

Me: (even lower voice) the rest of the time

Friend: So… let me do the numbers for you. if you were happy with him 1 or 2 days each month, in the 18 months you were “with” him, you were happy a grand total of maximum 36 days… The rest of the time… I saw how depressed you were…

Me: but….

Friend: Let’s do more numbers, if you had stayed “with” him, for the next 50 years, you would’ve been happy for 600 days and depressed for the rest of your life??

Me: (speechless)

No, I do not want to be happy for 600 days out of 18600 days… I deserve to be happy for a lot more days than that…