Quit Smoking

A couple months ago, I tried again to quit…and made it for a full 24 hours without smoking…which is better than I can say for my last quit attempt. Then again, THAT time I managed to smoke less than 3 cigarettes a day for 2 weeks. And less than 1/2 a pack for 2 more. Both times sucked though…obviously…otherwise I wouldn’t be back to smoking like a chimney. I have found that I’m enjoying my cigarettes less and less….but the thought of going through the whole withdrawal thing again isn’t very appealing. When I have no cigarettes, I feel panicky and it’s all I can think about. Nothing can distract me from that feeling, and all I want to do is sleep….which kinda interferes with my productivity. I do want to quit…but I wish there was a way to skip over all of that! Sooo, for now I’m moving this goal lower on my list of priorities. Being productive is crucial in my life right now….excess sleep isn’t.

Well…it’s been a little over a month since I tried to quit and it didn’t work out so good.
For the first 2 weeks I was able to only smoke a couple a day (2-3)...and then it was 6 or 7…and now it’s a little over 1/2 a pack. I’m going to try to quit again….at some point in the very near future. But right now I’m just going to try to manage to stay UNDER 1/2 a pack per day.
Just don’t have the confidence to quit right now…don’t feel like I’m truly prepared to deal with withdrawal panic.

It’s day 4 of my “quit smoking vacation”. I felt best on day 1….the day I smoked the least. I spent much of the day listening to an audio book that my uncle gave me the day before. It’s called, “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking” by Allen Carr. I’ve read a lot of “how I did it” stories on here, and a lot of people have mentioned this book….but once I got to disc 4, I lost confidence. He states throughout the book to keep smoking while reading…or in my case listening…so the next day, (and yesterday, and today) I smoked like a fiend. I brought more cigarettes here than I should have and want to burn myself out on them…and to use them up so that I’m not tempted when I decide to have my last one. When I go out to smoke, I pay attention to each inhale and I’ve noticed that they really ARENT very enjoyable. BUT despite the authors claim that NO cigarettes are EVER enjoyable, there are a couple here and there which are. Despite his claim that when you first start, you don’t like the taste / sensation etc….I did. Truly. The first time I tried a cigarette, I did it alone. I didn’t succumb to peer pressure. I didn’t feel a need to “pretend” to like it. I tried it simply out of curiosity. And that first cigarette….I found absolutely amazing. The taste, the sensation…everything. So while listening to the cd’s, a lot of the time I felt lied to…and like, “okay…maybe this is the EASY way for some people…but not for me”
(Another annoyance: He mentions that tabacco is from the same “family” as deadly nightshade…well, so are potatoes, tomatoes, eggplants, and chili peppers. )
I’m going to review the cd’s again…and again if neccessary. I’ll be reviewing my list of reasons frequently…and this will be THE week that I make my attempt…and hopefully succeed.
I should at least make it for the weekend….I’ve depleted my supply!

The cost of cigarettes has increased yet again…so much that if I continue to smoke as much as I do, it will be like buying an extra carton each month. For some people that’s not really a big deal, but I couldn’t even truly afford my addiction before the price increase. So…the other night I told Bill: “I think the best way for me to quit smoking would be to just go away for a week or 2. Somewhere I can’t smoke…and cant access cigarettes”
Bill’s parents live in the middle of nowhere… in the fucking woods, an hour drive away from here. They’re going on vacation for a month, starting next week. I might be going down there (alone) for a week or so to quit smoking.
I have mixed feelings about quitting. It’s been over 10 years since I started. I enjoy smoking. I can’t see myself as a non smoker…find it hard to believe that I have the capacity for quitting…and will have to give up other things I like too.
But I don’t want to be dependent any more.
I also have mixed feeling about my mini detox “vacation”. I’ll be in the fuckin’ woods! Alone! 30 miles from any sort of civilization! I have some major hermit tendencies, however the idea of being so cut off isn’t appealing because I’m paranoid and the stupidest little things scare me. On the other hand….I’ll have a lot of time to myself. I can catch up on my reading. Complete all my incomplete sewing projects, learn how to screenprint (finally)....and various other things…with no worry of work, or cleaning, or having to talk to anyone. Sooo I probably will do it, and hopefully not have too many panic attacks.

I was doing pretty good for awhile. Got down to less than 15 a day. BUT then I got even worse than I was before. Around a pack and a half a day. This week I was low on cigarettes and figured I’d try to cut down…and managed to get down to 20 a day. Wow. Not good! I have a love/hate thing going on with cigarettes. Unfortunately for my health (and skin, and wallet, and boyfriend…) it’s mostly love.

I want to be down to 10 cigarettes a day by the end of August 2007.
Instead of drinking coffee all day and wine at night (both of which encourage smoking) I will drink vegetable juice, veg-fruit smoothies, and water. I will limit myself to one cup of coffee a day, and start smoking outside. I will not do anything when I smoke…I will not read, I will not write. Just sit (or stand) there and smoke. It’s harder to enjoy when you’re really concentrating on it.
I will start having breakfast and lunch. Developing healthier habbits will discourage me from smoking. Sooo, I will also exercise. Every day. And take vitamins and herbal remedies for my rotting cervix. Maybe even Bach flower essences.
I will make a list of reasons I want to quit and keep it with me at all times. Maybe even place little cards with various reasons in the packs, underneath the plastic.
I read an interview with Gwyneth Paltrow, and she said that she LOVED smoking, but was able to quit fairly easily by smoking one less cigarette each day. Maybe when I get down to 10 on a regular basis, I will try that.

When I get down to about 10 cigarettes a day on a regular basis, I will consider myself a non-chainsmoker. And I’m almost there!