find purpose

The American college admissions process finally made it clear to me how broadly-spread a person I am in terms of talents and interests. I have always seemed to feel that I do not belong to our time; I think I belong in the past. The conflation of these two observations has lead me to aspire to become a renaissance man. (Woman.) Nowadays the education system is geared to specialization in one field, but not only do I myself not conform to this cookie-cutter future but I don’t think it’s good to stifle diverse interests. Perhaps it might be arrogant to think myself a renaissance man, in the vein of the great Leonardo, but I do not think it is arrogant to aspire to such an ideal. Interestingly enough one of the random quotes spewed out on the right hand side of my 43things was a quote by Leonardo da Vinci linking the idea of work and life purpose:
“Make your work to be in keeping with your purpose.”

And of course, being a renaissance woman, I would work on a diverse number of creative, intellectual, possibly even scientific projects.

It’s a possibility. Purpose: to become a renaissance man?

I spent some time thinking about parental responsibility vis a vis a child’s life purpose & justification for life and in so doing I finally defined what it is that each of those concepts means for me. In brief:

Justification for life: compensation for the ill effects one’s life has on the world around one. Equivalent to sufficiently good deeds in various areas (corresponding to what one is hurting—for example, good deeds towards the environment to make up for one’s destruction of the environment) continually being undertaken (so to continually justify one’s continued effect on the world). Does not need to be one’s central mission/goals/aspirations/whatever in life.

Life purpose: Regardless of what this purpose ends up being, this is one’s central mission, meaning, anchor, goal, program for living, aspiration, whatever (depending on what exactly this purpose is—an idea, an action, etc). Much more conceptual, fluid, and individual than justification for life.

So, when I made “find purpose” one of my goals here on 43things, I had not yet distinguished between these two. I actually believe that I worry more about justifying my wasting resources and hurting the earth and other people than about giving my life a central pathway of some sort. Perhaps I should edit this goal?

Several months ago I realized I was living without much purpose, or without a reason to be doing so. It put me into quite a quandary and since then I haven’t been the same because I feel like I might feel content knowing I’m living for a reason.
My perception of having purpose makes it difficult to find, however, as it’s very much linked to the idea of helping someone, or making a difference in the world. I.e. doing something to help = justification for living. I’m pretty sure I haven’t been a particularly positive influence in anyone’s life so far and certainly not to the planet’s life. I realize this makes my purpose-possibilities quite narrow. But purposes that only serve myself just seem superfluous and unworthy.

So.. I’m thinking volunteering, or devoting myself to someone’s wellbeing or happiness (although that’s risky because then I myself could become emotionally dependent).