i used to have a best friend. we hung out, were roomies, told each other our secrets, knew each others families. but over time we both changed. she became very involved in her bf (a drug dealer) and drugs in general, and i wasn’t doing that stuff. i graduated from school, and left her behind. i knew it wasn’t a good relationship anymore and didn’t want to drag it out.
that was like 3 years ago. now, i still haven’t really find a friend that i click with. i’ve met a wonderful man (about 3 yrs ago also) that i love dearly and hope to marry, but i’m starting to feel like i am becoming too dependent on him since he is really the only person i feel that i can confide in on all issues. i have some friends here and there that i feel like i can talk to about certain things, but i miss having that one friend that would do anything for you (and i would do the same in return). that friend who is there for you when everything seems like its going wrong. i want to be able to call that person up when i’m bored on a sunday or whatever and we could just hang out. don’t get me wrong, i have some friends, and i have even tried to get closer to some of them in hopes that we could become better friends, but it just hasn’t worked out. we’re all still friends, but either i dont feel totally comfortable with them like i think i should feel with a close friend, or we dont have anything to talk about, or they just dont make an effort to be closer with me (ie dont call me back, break plans, etc). i know i have some trust issues, because of things that have happened in my past, and i would like to try to work on them, but it feels like every time i try to trust one of my friends so that we can maybe become closer, it bites me in the a$$.
i almost feel that i replaced my former best buddy with my now boyfriend, and so for a long time, i didn’t really care about trying to get to know other people cuz i have him. But he has friends that he talks to about our relationship, when things are going rough or whatever, and i get so jealous about that. Partially cuz i wish he would talk to me. but i understand that some things he needs to run by a 3rd party. Mostly i’m jealous because i do have to talk to him about stuff all the time, cuz i dont feel like i have anyone else to talk to. i feel like i’m sharing all my stuff with him, and he’s not sharing all his with me cuz he has friends to turn to. i dont have a problem with him sharing with his friends. i think it is healthy to do that. But that’s why i’m so bummed that i dont have people like that to turn to, the way that he does.
Sorry for such a long entry! it felt good to get some of this off my chest. I want to try to join some classes or clubs or something around my area to meet people, but i’m having trouble finding any. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? (i’ve realized a lot of my “hobbies” are kinda solitary, so i’m willing to try anything!!! lol) i enjoy reading, walking for exercise, movies, music, cooking, washing my car, shopping.. I’ve tried that craigs list thing, and haven’t found anything good in my area (detroit) yet.
Please let me know if you have any idea!
