have more fun

Last week I ventured off campus with a friend, which I rarely do. A new phone charger necessitated the adventure, but we ate at Chilli’s, missed the bus, and roamed the bookstore in the mall along the way. The whole time I kept telling myself how much fun this should be… but it wasn’t. I just spent too much money, stood out in the cold, made idle conversation.

Then last night I took a break from homework around 10 to see what was happening in the common room. Had an exaggerated play flight with my friend. Really immature shit, but surprisingly, I went back to my room with a light heart.

What is fun? Where is it hiding? What does it look like? I need to start answering these questions in new ways if I want to fully incorporate fun into my life again.

i went out and partied for the first time in a long while this past weekend… oh deary me.

i dont party a lot, mind you, or even feel compelled to that often… but when i do, i have to get shitfaced. its not a subconscious thing; i’m quick to tell people that i just don’t see the point of just having a drink or two. my motto is: if you’re going to drink, you might as well get drunk… a motto that never ceases to get me in trouble.

it wouldn’t be such an issue if i just got drunk, but oh no, i have to run around campus hitting every stoop gathering that sounds like a dance party, losing my student id, cell phone, even high heels in the process. and this happens EVERY SINGLE TIME. only this time i feel like i’m really paying for it. turns out galavanting about barefoot in a flimsy second hand dress while its raining makes you a perfect candidate for the flu. in addition to having lost my id, phone, and favorite pair of shoes, i’ve lost three days of class from being sick as a dog.

i love weekends like this. they really are fun. and i stand by what i say about partying… but i really lack the responsibility to behave this way, and until i get my shit together (both figuratively and literally), i should probably shake off stress in some other ways.

It’s good that I love my work, but I find myself working because there’s nothing else I’d really rather be doing. How sad is this? One day I’m going to be a real grown-up who is forced to work, will I still fill the same then? I doubt it. I need to take back my youth and actually fill my free time with things that are just plain fun.

If I’m not working or sitting around, I’m hula hooping. It’s cool that there is at least one thing outside work and school that I like. I’m going to try to foster my skill with this—but also find other outlets for my energy and boredom.

jammed tonight to some gospel and bluegrass shit with my buddies. i can’t sing worth a lick in this cold weather but it makes me feel good.

sometimes you have to say fuck other people and make yourself happy. actin a fool is good for the soul.

I’ve felt myself becoming a crabby bitch lately and until now I hadn’t a clue why. Nothings really going wrong in my life—no more schoolwork than usual, if anything I’m really staying on top of everything! But I realized this morning its because I’m not having much fun. If I’m not at class or at work I’m doing homework or moping in my bed. I’ve lost all my positive steam. In order to get it back, I need to generate some fun!