Not care what people think about me

Lol I think nowadays I’m pretty much known for not caring what people think, like I’m always the one who does or says somethink and everyone else is like “people are watching” and I’m like “well who cares”

The thing is, I don’t care about the opinions of people I don’t know or like, witch gives me a lot of freedom to do all kinds of crazy stuff. I don’t just say I don’t care, it really doesn’t bother me if a random grandma thinks I’m crazy. What takes my energy is thinking how I should behave so the right people could think the right things about me.

So I’m kind of afraid that if my friends find out who I “really” am they wont like me anymore and thats why I don’t even know myself who I am since I’ve always tried to hide it… because I care so much.

I didn’t even notice, but yeasterday I called this girl who’s not even my friend or anything, and just asked if I could drop over. She was all “yeah sure” so I went there, it was really weird but I did it :D. And today I called ANOTHER friend and that went well too and i’m really proud of myself because I know I’ve gained a lot of confidence- sure, i still WONDER what they think but at least I’m DOING it, not just wondering what could happen if i had the courage to actually do something.

This isn’t really funny, but before posting this I wanted to check if someone else had posted something so it wouldn’t be so weird, (like it would be weird if i posted something right after the other), and that’s when I realized this is where the problem begins. DOES IT REALLY MATTER?!! I don’t really care if one of you guys think something of me becase I’VE POSTED SOMETHING TWISE :DD
Otherwise, this is going really well and I’m really putting my energy in this, in a good way, because the energy could also go into thinking what everybody else thinks of me and that’s a total waste of energy. When you get scared, you should think about the worst possible scenario that could happen; that makes it a LOT easier, because it’s never something bad :)

Sooooo many things on my list are actually connected to this one; if I didn’t care what other people thought about me, I’d be more confident and I wouldn’t be so afraid. I would be brave and proud. So yeah, if I can do this, I can remove FIVE things out of my list. That’s a lot. And it’s not “if”, it’s “when”. I have to do this. I don’t want to be afraid and insecure. So, I have next month to do this, I just have to face my fears and shake the bad feelings away. You only live once, right :)