enjoy

“There are no failures. There are just unrealistic expectations that didn’t work out.”

That’s so COOL. From now own, I’m not a failure. I just had unrealistic espectations and if I forget them, they don’t matter anymore. So basically I can’t fail anymore. And also, I started to wonder. WHO expects from me? I mean, camoon. I had WAY too many courses next year, and for what? Because getting a good sertificate from high scoolh would make my MUM proud? ‘Cause it deffinetly wouldn’t make me happy, and life can’t be like that, if I don’t choose those courses my future is ruined. SO, today I stopped studying Spanish (I’ll learn it when I move to Spain) and History (I don’t want to look back, I look forward) and took Religion (Because from now on, I’ll do it my way) and Music (because it’s FUN!) High School is about having FUN while learning, isn’t it? Youth is about having fun while learning. LIFE is about having fun while learning.

I believe I finally have my stuff in order, at least for like this day. This year I’ve learned that everything can fall apart SO QIUCKLY and you can NEVER now when that day will be. So, right now, when nothing is really wrong but it’s not really well either my glass is half-full, because I feel better like this, feeling nothing hence feeling OK, than feeling like shit. Sounded really negative but it’s not, it’s a good thing that nothing is wrong because the next step is that everything is like it used to be (or then everything will fall apart again).

And oh crap, today I realised I kinda of have a thing for one girl.. And it’s sucks because I don’t WANT TO have things for girls ‘cause nothing can even happen and so on, I don’t want to mess with her anyway. But then I thought that it’s like the best feeling in the word, liking someone, isn’t it? When you’ve just realized how cute and funny someone is and you get this weird feeling every time you see her.. I mean, if no one is ever going to know, what’s so bad about this? People have secret crushes all the time and it feels nice even when you know nothing is ever going to happen.

Still enjoying. a big part of why I’m so happy now IS that somewhere out there lies the knowlidge that this happiness wont last for long, so I’ve got to love every second, every call, every stupid SMS, every heart in it, every smile and every touch. I jst keep on being in a good mood and hope, HOPE that MAYBE this could work out. I just can’t believe that this wold happen to me, that the funnniest, most good-looking person could actually, ACTUALLY like ME. Isn’t that the gratest feeling? :D When you just can’t believe you’ve been so lucky.

Yeah, I have to put this in here even though it’s really stupid. Today I got my English test back and I had all of these stupid little mistakes in it, like not having a letter “t” in the middle of a “sentence” or somethinhg, and because I had them so much my teacher had wrote she thought I might have dyslexia. So I was pretty bummed about it and told about it to my friend and he of course made joke about it- and about me- and I felt really bad. Then, at like 5 hours later(!) he send me an sms saiyng something and then adding to the end that it’s not that big of a deal if you have dyslexia and stuff and that made me feel soooo good I just started laughing and smiling- in a full tram! People looked at me like I was some weirdo, but I decided to ENJOY the moment and kept on doing my little happy dance on the back of the tram ;)