Fall Ridiculously and Wrecklessly, head-over-heels in Love

I am still totally ready for this goal to be fulfilled, but it is completely out of my hands. I’m getting myself out there and living my life to the best of my ability, but I think I have absolutely no control over this goal. In 2007 two guys fell in love with me, but my head/heart just wasn’t there, and I don’t know what to do about it… so I don’t think I’ll do anything about it.

I had lunch today with someone I met a couple of months ago. He’s quite into honesty and talking about feelings. It was a very relaxing afternoon. I did feel kind of funny going out with him after only just breaking up with the other guy a week and a half ago. But, I guess it is me that puts the limit on the time as to when it is “okay” to date someone new. I really broke up with him while I was gone on a trip, I just didn’t tell him until I got home.

Life is so funny.

The guy I thought would be my one to fall in love with, wasn’t. He said he loved me, and I liked him… but there was a niggly inner feeling that it just wasn’t right. I split up with him. I felt/feel bad for him. He’s taking it horribly and is angry at me, but I’m hardly feeling anything negative at all either about him or about losing the relationship.

I want to revise this goal to “fall in love with someone who is falling in love with me”. I want it to be a two way deal.

I read some entries from this site the other day about giving love without thinking of getting anything back. It was wonderful. I’ve been dating a great, kind, loving, attentive man for awhile. He is such a sweet-heart. I was in a difficult marriage for 25 years that ended in 2000 when I walked away. I feel like I don’t even really know what being in love with an emotionally healthy man is. But I sure don’t want to lose this guy.

After reading the entries here, I just really tried to be myself, trust him (he’s never given me any reason not to trust him), and act, well, I guess just the way I wanted to. We had a great weekend. He asked me to go to Alaska for a month with him. If it all works out I’m going to. But my real goal is to fall head-over-heels in love with him.