become a Catholic

I have decided to attempt reading through the Catechism again, and was struck by 25:

“The whole concern of doctrine and its teaching must be directed to the love that never ends. Whether something is proposed for belief, for hope or for action, the love of our Lord must always be made accessible, so that anyone can see that all the works of perfect Christian virtue spring from love and have no other objective that to arrive at love.”

I’ve been practicing the occult since I was 13, when I started studying under my first master. Since then, I’ve grown and changed in my practice and belief, and now own a small business that teaches classes in the occult, spirituality, divination, and healthy lifestyles.

My boyfriend is Catholic. We’ve been together for a year and a half. I love him partly because he loves God so much. I love God; that’s what magic is about, for me – being closer and more connected to and interacting with God. I took a few RCIA classes more than a year ago, but stopped going because everyone else in the class was definitely decided on becoming Catholic and didn’t have nearly as many questions as I had. I felt uncomfortable.

I think that becoming Catholic is the next step in my faith and practice. I honestly believe that nothing I believe or practice goes against Catholic faith. I would NEVER become Catholic if I did not intend on being the best Catholic I can be. When I read the theology and go to mass, I think that Catholicism is definitely for me. Then I start to think about signing up for RCIA and answering the priest’s questions about my beliefs and what the other members of the congregation will think, and I get so scared I just want to run away and hide. I came here to post this instead of sending email to my parish to ask when the next RCIA class starts! I’m such a pansy!

I hope that God grants me the courage to get over my fear of what other Catholics will think of me and just go about the business of worshipping God the best way I know how.