forgive those who have hurt me

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do this, because I tend not to forgive myself, either.

I fuck up, I’m like “wow, you’re a fuck up,” and then I move on with my life.

Not healthy, I know.

Suggestions?!

It’s gotten easier as time goes by:

- I’ve forgiven my ex, and have gotten used to the treatment of me.
- I have forgiven the old roommates, and I hope they find their perfect matches soon.
- I have forgiven one of my partner’s best friends, and just ignore him when he’s an ass, as my partner has suggested (and politely clean up the damage he causes from occasional gossip and lying/rumor-starting).
- I have forgiven her, because she is still badly insecure about herself, and I remember lashing out at people/being completely negative 24-7 once in my life, too.
- I have forgiven my mother for abandoning me… still doesn’t make the visits less awkward, though.

In short, forgiving, on paper or in the electronic world, is an easy thing to state. Now that I have typed this, it’s sort of an oath to myself, to remind me that I have forgiven them for their antics in the past, and I hope for a brighter future for all of them (with or without me).

...but I’m not quite done with this goal, yet.

...it is easier, I think, to forgive those who have hurt you to your face. Easier to forgive those who disgrace you in public. Easier to forgive those who maliciously attack you, whether verbally, physically, or so forth.

It is MUCH harder to forgive those who do it behind your back and get caught but are angry with you that you called them on it. It is much harder to forgive those who claim innocence for too long. It is much harder when they throw your ‘shoddy religion’ in your face, demanding that I ‘get over myself’ or ‘turn the other cheek’ as my ‘bedtime story-book’ demands, and if I don’t do so, then I’m the hypocrite.

It is much harder to love these people then it is for me to love those who are purposefully destructive towards me.