confess

To set the scene: Just before the following – talk of the pros and cons of teaching in a small school and the many different jobs we do. The Principal had just told me how she appreciated all the work i do and what an asset i was to the school and about how i was always there to put out dinner, help clean up the children and do office work and caretaking duties when others were off.

Principal: Do you know what though? I actually like doing blow jobs.

Me: oh my god i do too!! I’m not that keen on getting licked out though, i can’t relax as i get too excited and am afraid of coming all over the place.

Principal: SORRY?

Me: Sorry? What did you say?

Principal: I said, I actually like doing MORE jobs!

Me: oh. Was that the bell?

At this point i left rather hurriedly with my coffee cup and red face. Feck, feck, feck! Thank God i’m off tomorrow.

is 20 today :O He’s having a few drinks with his friends in the house and being very responsible. I’ve just signed up a couple of his “girl friends” for my classes by slipping them business cards, sometimes i’m not a bad at this business lark :)
I’m also happy that i made the right decisions all those years ago. Thank You

one of my brother’s friends killed himself. I’m trying to encourage him to go to counseling as one of his other friends killed himself 7 months ago. He is still recovering from this. My brother was in his friend’s house when it happened and they all thought that he just went outside for a smoke, it happened that quickly. I’m so worried about him.

D* Do you love Daddy more than he loves you?
*M I don’t know. Why do you say that?
D* You always put your arms around him and rub his feet and back
even when he’s a grump and being horrible.
*M People have different personalities, they show love indifferent
ways.
D* Are you pretending? I think you must be.
*M Sometimes.
D* Would you be mad if i didn’t get married? It looks like hard
work.
*M Of course not, it’s outdated anyway.
D* Thank God. Would you be mad if i had a girlfriend?
*M No. Do whatever makes you feel right.
D* Not to kiss or anything.
*M Ok.
D* Boys are weird.
*M I suppose they are.
D* and stupid and they say nasty things.
*M Sometimes they just need you to smile at them, they’re
insecure.
D* Jesus!
*M You’re not allowed to say that!
D Sorry.

Tomorrow night i’m performing with my friend H at a fetish night in Dublin, really looking forward to it though secretly glad the dress code is “corsetry” as well as pvc and leather (Pvc is hot,hot,hot when performing and I don’t really enjoy wearing it) . We’re staying for the party and going to the meet and greet before hand.

To being excited about leaving my family (including my children) for a few days on Thursday to visit beautiful Rome again :).

my son to his new student house in Belfast tonight. My husband didn’t bat an eyelid, didn’t wish him well on this new part of his life, didn’t even say goodbye or answer him when we were leaving..he lay on sofa whole time watching football and talking to the tv as we were gathering things and getting ready to go. No. There is no falling out between them….he was just oblivious and didn’t seem as if he gave a fiddler’s fudge. I visualised myself smashing the tv with a baseball bat and then finishing it off on his head, watching his brains ooze out then thought about what a major clean up i would have to do after that. (I’m only a violent person in my head!)

Anyway, we had a happy spin to Belfast and a good conversation. He told me he was worried about leaving us all with Dad.

I tried not to show the shock in my face and even managed to stifle a scream when i saw the state of the kitchen (2 of the other boys have been there since….wait for it…... yesterday! and oh holy freakin Moses it looked like they’d been there a frickin month!)

Anyway, it’s done now…i cried coming home in the car.. ..happy and sad i suppose. i asked my mum to look after him.

of looking after everybody and worrying about them. I feel guilty about being sick of looking after everybody.

has just had the worst/most devastating kind of blow to her life and family. I feel so much disgust for her husband that i am finding it hard to keep it in. I am not a violent or aggressive person but feel like i could justify violence towards him (i know it’s wrong!) Why is it that the same people seem to get horrific hurt time after time? Do they/we attract it as has been suggested to me?

a trip down South with my husband… He surprised me with it as he thought we needed some time alone together :O

One of the many enlightening conversations in the car as we travelled to our destination – about 150km in and driving at 30mph:

W: Husband, do you want me to drive for a while so that you can relax and take it easy.

H: (Slows down to 20mph to look at me with raised eyebrows) Are you mad woman? If you were driving i wouldn’t be RELAXED. We don’t have a brake pedal in the passenger side and you think you’re Jensen Button!!..... Are you saying i’m driving too slow?

W: No! i just thought you’d like a rest.

H: Do you think i’m boring?

W: ofcourse i don’t! Are you bored with me? I could maybe try something more exciting when we have sex, what do ya think?

H: Jesus! How the x%x!! did you get onto sex?

W: Em…i don’t know.

H: I had sex with Lara F%^!!ing Croft last night and twice last week i had sex with a prostitute and a school girl! For once it would be nice to just have sex with you!

W: Em…ok. Will i put on the radio?

H: No, sure sing instead.