be healthy, not necessarily skinny

To keep up with the essential point of this goal while at school. The last time I was home and checked, I realized I weighed 3lbs more than the weight I’d gone to school at (I’d lost weight in the beginning because I was having eating in cafeteria issues). Ever since then I’ve been obsessing over that rather than the other areas I’d been dying to fix before I realized this. What I need to do is focus on the fact that the horrible availability of healthy food on campus is making me feel sick and gross, not that it’s affecting my weight, and that atrocious exercising patterns while here is affecting my insomnia, increasing my stress levels and making me feel sluggish and unfit, not that I’m losing any muscle tone I’d had before so I’m looking on the jiggly side. Even when discussing either side of it I need to focus on staying positive about it and remembering that I’m not a horrible person and that I’m entirely normal. I think I need a poster. Or something more permanent like a tattoo of that…on my forehead.

One of the main areas I struggle with is my eating, which is also the easiest area (oddly enough) to attempt to work on while at school. I have horrible habits, and because I’m predisposed to fixating they’re very difficult to break. Even if I don’t want some form of junk food, if I get it into my head I find that I eventually have to eat it or else I end up anxious and all sorts of similar lovely things.

Right now I’m working on developing a more strict eating schedule, and being picky about what’s consumed. I’ve taken away a lot of my access to things (especially chips because I crave salt) since recently I’ve stopped only eating certain things on weekends and in small quantities. There are healthy(er, they’re far from really healthy) options all over my room, such as seeds instead of chips and cheese and fruits and veggies (all of which I adore, especially crunchy things) instead of chocolate. Hopefully this sticks, and in a healthy way (which I shall likely elaborate on at a later date).