Mend my broken heart

he has been back for a week…i screwed up again and “saved” him….when i found out he had checked out of the weekly hotel because he couldn;t afford it and had spent the night at our office in a sleeping bag i freaked out. i felt so bad…not even an distant friend would i have stay in a sleeping bag in an office..i asked him to come home and stay until he found housing. i shouldve let things be…let him feel his own pain…let him make his own decisions etc. now it has been a week and i dont want him at my house anymore. it is hard for me. i need to start thinking of my self not him all the time. i need for him to leave.

well he has left…not sure where he has gone but i think this is it. im sick of breaking my heart. i cant make him want me, love me, need me etc. i know this is truely for the better im just so scared. the world is in a fragile place right now and i dont want to be alone. but it is what it is. i hate my life right now, i hate myself ….i fucken hate.

thinking about him….dammit just when i seem to move forward i take a few steps back. i know i dont like what he has turned into so why??? why do i still care? i am miserable!

its hard to stop thinking about “him” he was my bestfriend and is still my business partner which complicates things A LOT! i just wish i could have a clean break….and then see what happened.

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My hubby decided after 6 years he didnt think he loved me anymore.talk about a heartbreak. we are tyring to mend but i think its me who is the only one really in it 100% he is depressed and cant even see it!
I have learned I can only control myself no one else. i started back to the gym and taking better care of myself. keep me posted how you are doing.

working on this daily…..by taking better care of myself and always telling myself it isnt me its him. i cant change him…i cant control how he feels or what he does. the more i love myself the more i mend my broken heart