go back to school

Finished another semester with a 4.0. Much better than the first time around I must say!

So I’ve enrolled in the local community college here. They have a great University Transfer program so I hope to eventually transfer to the local major public university. Monday I take more placement tests and register for classes. I’m very nervous and very timid about how many classes to take. I’m anxious to get this whole “back to school” thing over with but at the same time I want to do well. And not just as school… but at home too.

My professor said I was a “wind of academic excellence.” Thankyouverymuch. We’re suppossed to be moving soon so I probably won’t try and take classes this spring. We really need to move.

I’m taking an Intro to Philosophy class and the good news is that I aced the first test and the first paper!

It’s a huge boost for me in this whole process. I feel like by the end of this course, if I continue to do well, I’ll finally be able to bury the whole dropping-out-of-school thing and really feel like I’ve started over.

YAY for starting over.

I have got to forgive myself for leaving Vanderbilt… I wasn’t doing well and I had to take care of other things.

It’s all so reasonable if I step back.

But can’t shake the feeling that it says something about me… that it means something that I had to leave. That I wasn’t capable of staying because of some deep flaw of my self.

I don’t want to see the transcript. I don’t want to admit that I couldn’t carry the whole world at once. Wouldn’t it be lovely if I had? Of course… that would have been an expensive achievement.

And probably not worth it.

I’ve applied to the local community college and am awaiting my transcript from Vanderbilt.

Then I’ll start one class in the fall.

Nervous.