This happened last night. I am typing it as both a record for my personal use and a means of discussing it with you.
For a long time, I have spent a lot of time pondering many things. Existence, Fact, truth, reality, the usual. Last night, I was eating dinner with my parents and sister outside at a restaurant. As usual, I was pondering things. This time, I was pondering existence. As I looked around, flowers were falling from the tree above us. It was beautiful. The wind was cold, however. I closed my eyes and prepared to focus on my usual method for warming myself up, but then everything stopped.
It was noisy, but quiet all at once. I felt the wind, but no cold. I felt completely relaxed for the first time in many years. Everything seemed to have changed. THe most surprising thing was that I had stopped pondering. For the first time in an even longer time than I had not been relaxed, I was not wondering about anything. Everything seemed…there is no other word for it…empty.
I stayed in this state for a while. The people around me noticed nothing, apart from me no longer shivering. As we walked away from the restaurant, the wind continued to blow, but not affect me. Suddenly, a small thought interrupted my peace. I remembered what I had been like before this. How my thinking worked, how I pondered, how I felt about the world around me. I enjoyed the feeling that I had at the time, yes. Everything made me happier than I had been for a long time. Everything was beautiful, peaceful. However, I preferred the state I had been in before. It was the true me as I know me. This new state…now that I had seen it from an external view, I feared it. Being like this felt right, but I didn’t want it. For once, I had lost myself. And it had come by so fast. I reverted to how I had been before this, but continued to ponder this new condition I had reached.
Now, I am able to switch between the two states at will. I have studied them and have found out a few things about the new one. For some reason, it felt as though I had been enlightened. It is because of this that I am deciding to put this on here. It was as though I had reached the truth…the true state of everything.
I do not know if this was actual enlightenment. Every description of enlightenment I have found, save for the one on Wikipedia, says that I was not. Due to this, I am putting this in the ‘Entry’ section, rather than the ‘How I did it’ section. I’m not even sure if this is remotely related to enlightenment. I have not studied the topic thoroughly.
One final thing to state…I do not seek enlightenment. The topic was added to my list on 43things because I posted here, and I am keeping it on the list so that I have a direct way to return to this page. However, I never wanted to reach enlightenment of any sort.