I hate it when the anxiety gets the best of me. I’m invited to a bbq-party tonight, where I only know three people. And by knowing I mean I’ve talked to them two days at school. I’ve felt the anxiety creeping up on me since yesterday evening, and it has just gotten worse. I know I have to face my fears to overcome it, and I’t makes me sad and irritated that I don’t dare this particular thing.
To comfort myself I say that it’s too big a step for me to take yet, and that I have to take baby steps instead. Just being in class is hard enough for me. I prefer partying with people I know. I just can’t relax otherwise, and I’m afraid that will make a bad impression of me on others. So I’m settling for a nice night with one of my friends, making a nice dinner, eating snacks and watching One Tree Hill or some other brain candy. And I am really looking forward to it.
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully control it, since I’ve had it as long as I can remember, it’s kind of imprinted in me. And I’m actually surprised I’m not worse off than I am, considering my childhood. I got off with depressions, some anxiety and a drop of sleeping problems. Lucky me:p What I’m saying is that it could have been worse. And maybe it will, but for now I actually feel more calm in situations where the anxiety used to make me totally freeze up. It took a lot of cognitive therapy to be able to find my thinking habits and attack them with less negative ones. But I also have to say sharing it in 43T and read others experiences, theories and thoughts has helped a lot! there are a lot of intelligent, beautiful people in here, sometimes we are lucky to find them :)
repeating this until i feel more calm, I have to add.
whenever i have a panic-attack or feel the anxiety come creeping up on me, i breath slowly, 6sec in, and 6s out. It actually helps!