stop lying

This includes stop lying to myself.

Today: 2 lies, at least that I can remember.

This problem is worse than I thought. And one of the main reasons I do it is because of anxiety. I lie to get out of situations I find terrifying. It’s better than lying to impress someone or something like that, but I want to be brave enough to be myself and tell the truth.

I had no idea 43T would have such an impact on me. Whenever I’m in a difficult situation and find myself making up a story, I remember this goal, and tell the truth.

If you really don’t want people finding out something, you should just try to avoid the subject. Maybe not too brave, but at least you don’t lie.

I need to stop lying about:

- My bad habits. I tend to cover them up because I’m afraid people will judge me or look down at me if I tell them how bad things really are. That I can sleep through a whole day, or binge eat, or drink alcohol when I’m alone. But real friends will rather support me than judge me for this, right? Right. :) And if they keep finding out I’m lying about things, I guess I’ll be sure to lose them.

It has also a lot to do with caring less about what people think, and accepting myself for who I am – not perfect.

I have actually been a pretty honest person up until lately. I’ve told the truth, but all it has done is to make me more trouble, so now I’ve started avoiding it, or lying. It’s hard to be honest if there doesn’t seem to come anything positive out of it. When it hurts people or gives them a really bad impression of you. And if you find out that other people around you, like friends and family are also lying, it makes it seem “okay”. But it’s not. I don’t want to end up like my dad, he lies all the time, and even though he always gets busted, he just keeps going.

Lied to my boss again today. I said I had an appointment tomorrow, so I’d have to swich my watch to friday instead. Stupid! I could have just said that I wanted to work friday without making up a reason.

...Lied to my boss today. Not proud. Said I was sick and couldn’t work, when I was depressed, sleepless and had anxiety. Why can’t I just be honest? I know she would understand, it’s not even a real job. I guess it just gets to personal, it’s easier to pretend I suffer from physical illnesses.