be more open

but at least it’s open!

The last few weeks I have been trying to be open to change in others. As I have changed my life and who I am, i should expect that other people can too. Maybe we aren’t all exactly who we were or the sum of our past actions. Maybe we can see wrong in our past and strive to differ in the future. I am open to this.

So being open bites me in ‘ze bum. When i am open with my life with my friends, somehow it is flaunting. I wish that I could be open about what is going on in my life without their insecurities overwhelming the situation.

I was last night with gentleman caller. I was really homesick and didn’t even realize it until I started talking to him about it. So hurrah for pansy girl and patient boy.

So I was a bit open with boy about apprehension of him visiting an old girlfriend for the weekend. Sucks when it has nothing to do with him, and everything to do with philandering jackholes of Christmas past… I didn’t accuse or stress out about it when I mentioned it, just mentioned it as a bit of concern.

I don’t know that being open all the time really is best. Maybe this was something better left to girlfriends…

So I have always thought I am very open. But sometimes maybe there is too much open, because then people in your life start ignoring what you have to say?

I fear that I might not be open at the moment. I gather my walls of defense around me and become cool and efficient when heartbroken. Weird thing is, this attracts men. then they are suprised when I feel comfortable enough to be warm, open, vulnerable, etc.

So how much open should there really be? and at the expense of being no like the person you were when another fell for you?

what a mess, eh?