lose 100 pounds

alright, i’ve been off the wagon on this one for quite a while and back to square one. i’ve been tiptoeing around this category watching silently and updating my other goals… but that’s it. i’m back. (again). this goal has been on the top of my todo list for a few years now. i never thought it would take so long, and now that i am basically starting over… well. many of you know how depressing and frustrating that is and that’s where i am at now.

Given that I do have 100 pounds to lose before I’ll be comofortable with my weight and i keep relapsing, I actually looked into a medical program offered by my HMO with one of those Very Low Calorie Diets last week. While the thought of a liquid diet is unappealing, the quick weight loss while under medical supervision seemed like a win. that is until i found out my covereage (like most coverage) has an exclusion for anything weight loss related. so, it looks like i’ll need to get help from other places for now. the thought of not having to think about what to eat, and basically being accountable really appealed to me. after i found out the medical program wasn’t an option, i spent a long time reviewing different prepared meal plans, and decided to go with the Seattle Sutton 1200 calorie plan. It’s relatively inexpensive (compared to other options), and offers food that is fresh and hasn’t been frozen. So far, pretty good. Although I am hungry, and I have already cheated a little by adding some christmas cookies – i think this could work. I also joined a gym close to my house, and am trying to get there a few times per week. I’ve got some time off during the holidays, so I’m really hoping to get myself into some good workout habits over the next few weeks.

i looked through a lot of these entries, and i just wanted to say you all are AMAZING. this goal is incredibly challenging, and you all are such wonderful inspiration.

started at 290.8 and been up and down and almost starting over again this new year. My goal is 190.8 still, here’s the recent numbers:

1/1/2009 282.00
1/2/2009 280.20
1/3/2009 277.60
1/4/2009 277.60
1/5/2009 275.80
1/6/2009 274.20
1/7/2009 275.20
1/8/2009 274.20
1/9/2009 273.40

256.6 is currently the magic number. about 65 to my final goal.

this morning i am struggling… i am packing for a trip on my day off, and despite a good breakfast of healthy cereal, i keep thinking about all those wonderful breakfast items i could go get… i keep coming up with reasons… ’ its my day off ’ ’ i will work out later ’ ‘its been a good week so far’... i am writing now to force myself to think this through and make the right decision.

i’ve got a long way to go yet. perhaps once i’m there, i can figure out how to sneak in treats and things on occasion, but why screw this up now? i hate diets. why be on this diet for longer than i need to be just so that i can cheat along the way? maybe a big glass of water will help…

my meltdowns with food usually happen in times of high stress. today was one of those days, and i did fairly well balancing everything in moderation considering. i did snag a few extra treats (a beer, a dessert bar and some banana bread). that said, i avoided several worser choices and kept the portions reasonable. i’ll count today as a win.

In a little under four months I’m going to a friend’s wedding. I’d really like to bring a date… and a skinnier me. I think that’s a reasonable amount of time to focus on without going crazy, and I’d like to map out a plan from now until then for workouts and diet.

you know, the feeling you get after a good day. i just got home from the gym, took a shower and am writing some before bed. i sit here and i feel good mentally because i had the discipline to eat well, be productive, leave work at a reasonable hour, and hit the gym. my lungs still feel open, i feel refreshed and clean, and i feel the kind of tierd that falls nicely between restless and exhausted and which virtually guarantees a good night’s sleep…

i am out of practice at dieting.

i forget the art of this conscious willpower thing about 30 percent of the time… this morning i passed up a beautiful cinnamon roll. today at lunch, i skipped the burger and chose a relatively healthier chicken entree. but then, i couldn’t, just didn’t want to, pass up the huge piece of marble cake. yum. yum. yum. somehow i was convinced that this piece of cake on this day was special. i think in retrospect, i could have passed up my ‘moment’ with the cake and hopefully i can keep that in mind for future cravings. :) well, i passed up more junk and burgers for dinner. skipped dinner actually… i know thats bad but when the only choices you see are mcdonalds menu items, its probably better to call it a missed meal at eleven pm and just go to bed. so thats what i’ll do. i was active and busy all day, and it was an ok day, i’m still needing to have a great day, a real 10 to be feeling this.

i try not to be negative… but the fact is that i am just tierd of being overweight. i am frustrated. i missed the date for this goal… and if i keep going at this pace it would take me two more years to get down all the way there. maybe its time to just bite the bullet, stop talking and just do it. i have so much of my life under control except this one HUGE thing. how could i have even let myself get here in the first place?

I played hard this weekend :) i spent time playing volleyball, biking and walking… i’ve signed up for a few activities to keep myself busy and active this summer. my food and drink choices could have definitely been better recently, so i’ll make that my focus for the coming week. i am going to revisit the fine art of ‘journaling’ what i’m eating for the coming week, and trying to plan my meals the night before when possible…

i stepped on the scale again this week after a long absence. i have not been focusing on weight lately, but i have maintained a more active lifestyle, and healthier eating habits. i have not been losing more weight, but i didn’t gain a single pound either, which gives me hope that the changes i have made are maintainable. i’m fairly comfortable at this weight, but its probably time to give this goal another punch and to focus on losing another 15 or so pounds.