meditate

I will wake up at 7 am.

I will begin my summer meditation plan. My goal will only be to think of the moment rather than thinking about sequencing myself in time. I will work on my span of concentration starting week 2. This week my goal is to be fully present and eliminate distractions.

I will sit still for 2-5 minutes and do 3 exercises out of Ernest Wood’s book on meditation. For the rest of the day, I’ll check in with myself every hour to two hours to make sure I’ve kept to such focus resolutions.

So the longest I’ve ever kept to a habit that’s possibly held long term benefits I’ve never realized is 4 weeks. My ability to manage my longer, larger life balance never actually becomes sustainable, so I’m hoping that these two things will be very real products of my new, delusional? attempt at meditating.

The thing is that I live most days scrambled. Conversations, if I even am clear enough to take part meaningfully, blur by. I become a gutter.

I would like to find a daily way to orient, to live a consecutive series of pages. To perhaps perform something of the Franklin scratch your way to perfection, yet I am so unclear as to how to stagger and arrange my goals.

The immediate obstacle is this void of postcollege and current aimlessness that has come with not developing such a concerted efficiency earlier on. So, I am not sure how to bypass this hurdle, how to work for any sort of concerted change if possible. But overall, it is silly how scattered and distraught i become.