control my anger

fail.

I kinda try. And sometimes, occassionally, I pass.

I don’t know how to control it. It’s only with my family, I can bite my toungue around friends. All they have to do is say something eonly remotly annoying and I blow up. It turns into a massive argument.

It makes me seem like a toddler.

I don’t want to live like this.

Troule is, many arguments revolve around food. Because I eat healthy, and my family eat whatever, I get moaned at. Makes me angry. Then with my newfound vegetarianism, it’s gotton worse.

I am getting worse.
Why can’t I be normal?
Every single day I ruin everybody elses.

Everyone now hates me. Even I hate me. People are afraid to speak to me because of my anger. No one will believe me when I say I won’t do it anymore. I try to stop, but I cannot.

I pick out arguments that I know I either won’t win, can’t win, or even if I do win, will end end up making me miserable and also my family miserable.

I’ve googled how to control anger, I’ve tried the methods, but I can’t stop.

Self loathing is horrible, but having your family loath and despise you is even worse.

This self loathing makes me wonder if I should just bite the bullet and just end it at times. When I feel like I am feeling now as I type this, I think that it would be better. But I know that as soon as I have calmed down I will regret ever thinking that. But then something happens and I start to think it again. It is a vicious cycle.

One step forward and a million steps back.

I stopped myself from starting an argument. There were a few times when I really felt like I had to, but a ‘been there, done that’ voice sounded in my head, and i didn’t start it.

However, when my mum is angry with someone else, she makes it very easy to fight with.

I failed! I failed two days ago actually….
I hate it. I hate arguing. But it’s addictive, like, once something starts you simply can’t walk away from it.
If someone says something to piss me off, I will retaliate, how can I not?

I did well on this today.
I identified two places where i would usually initiate an argument, but I dodn’t.
And you know what, I got just as far for doing that as I did for not arguing – great!

I am aiming to go a week without any arguing.

During an argument a few home truths were said to me. Of course, I denied it and got even angrier.

Recently, I have become very angry. the thing is, it links back to other problems I have.
My obsession with food and calories causes arguments at many meal times, and my fretting over that leaks into arguments at other times. Caused by me.

My depression makes me angry and argumentive.

I just need to step back when i feel myself becoming angry. Whenever I become angry, no good ever comes.