stop being so cynical

i have a hardtime trusting people and usually feel they dont trust me or like me either. so it’s become a lonely island.
like today my friend told me he was going to model a human in 3d. i ask it’s going to be a female (since i know he likes to draw females). then he tells me yes and if i paid attention to him i’d know. i was blown off by that comment coz i dont remember him telling me and i hate it that he made it sound like im the idiot. the more i thought about it the more stupid i felt since i got mad at something completely retarded.
maybe i should have just apologized for not remembering. i was watching also watching kitchen nightmares episodes today and realized how calm chef Ramsey. he really tells it what it is and doesnt hold back but at the same time he lets bygones be bygones and never holds a grudge. i couldnt tell someone how bad they are when they are doing poorly and not worry that they would hate me afterward. i dont like feeling disliked. however im already in the position where nobody cares about me.
i pity myself which makes me pathetic. i want to be loved but i no one wants me. i need to conquer something to make me a better person.