Well, I have decided to gain more awareness of my patterns. For example, I realized that I was dwelling tons on the past and my idealized view of the relationship.
Dwelling on my perception of the past was not going to get me anywhere. Instead I am learning to tell myself that it is okay that I loved him, and may still love him. I am learning to also tell myself that I love myself and I need to take good care of me. I have taken myself out dancing (extremely healing). I have decided to go out and distract my self from the dwelling, to keep myself in the present and not in the past.
I do not want to hate him and I do not want to shred into pieces all memories. I can love and I was fearless about it, this is something to be proud of and not something to regret or feel ashamed of.
If he was not ready for a relationship with me and was not able to explain why, then so be it. My thoughts on this would only be thoughts, and I cannot let my speculations lead me into uncomfortable feelings.
Patience, heart…patience and lost of love.
