... on January 15th. I am now officially a free woman! Just a bit of pension paperwork to sort out between us and the lawyer to finish paying and then it is all behind us. Feels right.
lotte123 has written 9 entries about this goal
Have been to see the solicitor and gotten the ball rolling again. It’s now over to my other half – have given him a list of things he needs to do. Then as soon as he gets back to me it’s back to the solicitor for the final push! I am going to be an unattached woman this summer!
Decree nisi came through last week and now just have to sort out the deal with the pension before we can apply for the absolute. The funny thing is that we are now getting on really well as half way divorced people. It must suit us!
Papers ok-ed and returned to solicitor. Hoping they will be filed in the next fortnight. My goal is to have this sorted so I can start the next year as an unattached woman.
I didn’t think that still being married was much of an issue until a couple of weeks ago at a wedding. I was introduced to a very good looking younger man whose opening line was something along the lines of “The official is still here, how about us going and getting married”. The thing that got me was not that someone had jokingly proposed to me within a minute of me meeting them but that I couldn’t laugh and say “Why not, let’s go for it” or even “Maybe in a couple of minutes when I’ve got to know you better”. I found myself looking at my feet and mumbling something about how lovely that would be but unfortunately I couldn’t as bigamy was still considered illegal. It completely got in the way of my flirting!
But it was the spur I needed. I decided that the next time I got proposed to (joke or otherwise) being still married was not going to be an issue and my taking them up on the offer would not be impaired by it. I’m feeling so ready to move on and so far on from the reject that I was feeling like last year.
It is starting to look as if the end is in sight. I got quite teary today thinking about how things could have been so much better if only I had the knowledge that going through this process has given me. But I think sometimes lines are crossed and you can never go back and make things right. So it is onwards and upwards. Looking forward to closing this episode and moving on with my life in a positive and meaningful way and looking forward to to there being space for a new relationship to enter my life. One that will surely benefit from the wisdom the suffering of separation has brought me.
Have decided that I need to get moving on this. Without knowing it I have been clinging on to the fact that I am still married as some kind of crutch. In my head I think that it doesn’t matter that I am single because I still have a husband, so hah! I guess it doesn’t hurt to admit that I am terrified of being completely and truly single. Now that I have realised this I understand that I need, more than ever, to get my divorce done and start to live again. Enough of fear! So have emailed my solicitor and have asked her to resend the forms I have lost, fill them in, and send them off. My goal for this is to have the decree nisi by the end of the month …
Oh well, I suppose it had to happen sooner or later. We are on to the horrible stuff about money and trying to sort out the debt on the joint account. He thinks I am being really unreasonable, I think he is being so defensive he can’t actually hear what I am saying so of course he hears me being unreasonable. What happened to the man I used to love? Where did all this go so badly wrong? I take no pleasure in seeing someone I held in such high regard down such a deep hole. And we haven’t even got onto the loan from my dad. I think I am going to have to write that one off … aarrgggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Sent details to the solicitor tonight so the ball should be rolling very shortly. Also had a conversation with my ex to ask him if he wanted to read the papers before they were filed at court and addressing the issue of money.
As usual, he was very defensive when it came to the subject of money telling me he had absolutely none. But, unlike usual, I listened to him and offered him advice instead of “Well, whose fault is that?”. It felt much better and less frustrating.
I am going to talk to the bank about ways in which I can extricate myself from the joint account by clearing half the outstanding overdraft. I don’t want to make my ex suffer but I also don’t think that I should have to incur more debt because of his financial irresponsibility. I have my own debt to deal with and he is going to have to learn to manage his own if he wants to move on from here.
So definite progress. The ball has started rolling and in a few weeks I could have the first part of the divorce through. And by the end of summer I could be completely done. Woo hoo!!!!
Finally found papers in cupboard under stairs (relates quite clearly to clearing house of junk n’est-ce que pas?). Now actually have to sit down and write all the reasons for unreasonable behaviour down. And slightly scared that they wont be quite so unreasonable as I once wanted to think. Do not want to ever ever contemplate that … but think I might need to … oh God, wish me luck …
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