on my list for ages now. So far: No entry, no public reflection on it.
It is a remainder of a time where I needed to be heavily reminded that you need to walk away from things that do not make you happy.
Believe me, I’m still not good at it. I go into a kind of ‘blind mode’ where I think if I just keep on working at it, sacrificing other things to make this one big thing a good one, I will ultimately be rewarded for it. Meaning, that all will be good.
But I have learned that there are two sides to everything and if that other person does not cooperate, there is no way you alone can make something happen the other person does not really see that way.
In recent times, conversations with my granny have helped me to reflect on this. This time and many, many times before there have been events that very clearly showed, that it is the relationship with my parents that is toxic for me. It is still hurtful to think about it this way but it is the truth.
This relationship has had an enormous impact on my entire life and previous relationships. A picture of myself and a whole belief system that made me very unhappy was engrained into my soul but now I am in the process of excavating my true, authentic self.
I believe this has led me on a path that I have not dared to walk along before. True independence, true freedom… meaning I choose.
