stop overeating when I am with my family, stop overeating fullstop!

I am guilty of overeating :(...or better said, I feel guilty! I know I shouldn’t. Many people fall into this trapp and our society is pratically the main reason why all this overeating stuff happens. But still…it sucks.
The good thing is, I haven’t weighed myself and I won’t do it. I haven’t gained so much that I don’t fit into my clothes or that I am at my heavy wight. That’s good!
However, my mind is playing games on me. I don’t want to hate my thighs or think I am fat and ugly, but I do. and I am very angry about that!

Well, generally I have been eating too much in the last couple of months. Luckily, I haven’t gained a lot of weight and I am still more on my “good-light-weight-side” than on the other (I should give myself credit for that). So, no biggy…well, not exactly…I have been an emotional eater and that is not good.
So, this basically means that on some way or another I haven’t been doing my job in taking care of myself. I shouldn’t let this be my only way to comfort myself and I definitely should find a way to live with my insecurities and problems without trying to fix them or being frustrated. Just beeing ok with them for the moment.

I am very unhappy about this overeating problem!!! I know that being angry about it might even be the origin of the whole problem but right now, I just don’t care! I want to complain about it!!!

I admit that it makes me feel like a failure, because “a totally awesome person” shouldn’t have problems like that. Relax everybody, I know this is not true! but deep inside, I might just feel like it is true….
I am a vicitm of my time,I guess. Because deep down I really tend to believe all the stuff the media tells me. I think that being thin is desirable ( or at least I can’t help feeling it) and that not being thin is a sign of weakness….oh, I hate myself for even writing it, but it is true!
And sometimes I am so fed up with it, that I think I can’t win….the “fight” can’t be won…it’s just frustrating….so I overeat.

I am doing it again lately…I think I have to do several things to stop it.
-Finally start meditating!!!!
- write down everything in my food journal again
- and really relax about life
....I haven’t been doing any of this….

I just overate big time. it is not that what bothers me, not this one time. I just can’t seem to really get my problem. that really bothers me!

ok, a little set back. yesterday and this morning. I ate A LOT :(...and the worst part is that since febuary i already gained weight. I can feel it when I wear some of my clothes. I mean, honestly this is not so bad. once I eat right it will disapear again. but the months before january eating right was so easy and effortless. even when I was home.

it is always my mother. just at breakfast she said there with us and talked stupid stuff all the time, so that the rest of my family and I couldn’t talk at all. that wouldn’t be so bad if my mother did not talk about stuff that nobody wants to hear just to piss us of. so I sat there and ate. I know, stupid me. now I sit here and feel stuffed.
and the other thing is that my sister is home over the easter holidays too. she recently broke of with her boyriend and I feel a little obligted to keep her company…it is nice that she is home!don’t get me wrong. it makes the family more happy and everyone is little nicer but still, somehow all this is emotionally tough on me.

I am home over the easter holidays and I have to say that so far my eating works well:-). even with my mother not being nice to me….hah!

this weekend…so far, so good!:-)
I haven’t been eating too much. I ate some of the “special stuff” that you only get when you are home, but I ate it in a sensible manner. so, although I might ate a little too much but it denfinately wasn’t overeating :)
I am really proud! I had that bing fight with my mother last weekend (which I basically handeled by keeping my temper and ignoring her stupid remarks) and a really tough week in university and I still didn’t overeat. hah! not a self-destructing behavior!

I did it again but not as much as I could have, so I guess that is some progress.
I think my behavior has multiple reasons. Basically it’s me handeling stress, but it is more complex. I’ll explain some other time…

I am now back with my family for one more week.Today I really did not overeat!!! This entry really helped me. What also helped me was writing everything I eat down in an online food diary. I don’t do this all the time because I don’t want to obsess about my weight, but for now, this actually helps me with that goal too!!!
I will now add some little goals: during the next couples of days I will do little fitness moves in the morning! I will do lunges, situps and some push-ups. At home I am used to doing stuff like that, but when I am here (like I wrote before) I tend to sabotage myself so that I can feel bad…not this time!!!:)