be a succulent wild woman

Yesterday our run ended at a park on Lake Michigan. There were waves of decent size… a few that might even knock you down if you weren’t careful. Although I’m not much of a water person, I decided to join the rest of the team as shirts were thrown off, shoes were flown off and bodies ran to the pretty-darn-cold water. It was a beautiful sight. Quite honestly we belonged so much in a postcard that I almost got too caught up in that and forgot to enjoy it, but then I remembered—this is my moment…I’m really here… here to enjoy this beauty. The sky, the water, the trees, trees and more trees… simply there for me to appreciate… and I did. Woo. Those 20-30 minutes were free and spectacular.

the boy I am dating hung out with this girl he worked with and lied to me about it. Apparently nothing happened, but who knows. I found this all out yesterday. Whenever my life quieted it bugged me, but I didn’t let it steal the pleasure from my road trip and time with good friends. It’s nice finding pleasure in the pits.

I’m doing better though. In just 24 hours I’ve completely changed my point of few. I even wrote on my bathroom mirror (in bright pink lipstick) “You are wonderful and more than enough”. I wrote it compeltely across the mirror so I can no longer see my acne as clearly as it exists. Ah. I am MORE THAN ENOUGH and I am worth more than any boy I’ve met knows. I am worth REAL LOVE.

Last night two of my friends and I decided to go out to dinner at Applebees. I have a knee length dress that’s all sorts of shades of pink… strapless… and perfectly adorable. I bought it at a thrift store two years ago and hadn’t wore it. I decided now would be the day. So with flip-flops and unwashed hair I slipped my cutesy dress on and made my way to the door. Driving in my little converitable to eat with good friends. Ah. I felt real to myself…and when curious eyes followed me through Applebees, I just smiled to myself- sometimes you just need to dress up. Maybe I’ll do it again soon with all my friends in dresses ♥

After reading Eet Mangoes Naked quite a while ago I finally was given Succulent Wild Woman for my birthday. I’ve been journal-ing for abour 4-5 years strong, but I think I really need to start looking at myself and what I* want and need versus other things… I’ll get there :)

First thing first: I’m going to start wearing *what I want when I want. Of course I am going to go to college in 2 weeks and I really enjoy have friends to support me when I make changes, but maybe I’ll make friends with succulent wild woman by appearing as one myself ♥