I am doing much better at this than when I started 2011. As we are in the final month of this year, let’s evaluate. NO let’s not evalutate, but let;s think about this. Am I the same person I started as in Jan? I don’t think so. Am I better? More genuine? More centered? More me? The me I have always wanted to be? Yes and no. I think I have changed considerably for the better. I do think there is still some work to do in the area of shyness and advocating for myself.
lovingmex43 has written 17 entries about this goal
who have a hard time saying ‘NO’.
The relationship with K and her pushy pushy pushiness really helped me learn to stick up for myself more, to say no more. Interesting that it took more of a negative thing to hone my positive thing. I just need to keep up the work.
Taking care of me, saying NO when I really should, this is living lik ethe person I have always wanted to be. I have let people walk all over me at times in the past. That will never happen again.
stick up for myself enough
always put me first
think before I open my mouth
remember my confidence every single day
dig deep before I shop sadness away
stand my ground hard enough
play to win as much as I should
say enough kind words to myself
but now I am focusing on the negatives aren’t I?
there are about 1000 positives to go along with this.
know who I am
know what makes me happy
know what I want
know how to get there
Isn’t that half the battle? I feel I am three quarters the way to having it all. .
have I been living like the person I have always wanted to be.
That is a good question. The better question is who is the person I have always wanted to be? I think I defined that going into this goal. If I look at the list of pared down goals that I am working on and my progress as the indicator of how I well I am doing with this goal it may be a good start. So here it goes.
What is stopping me? – I have let my shyness, lack of self esteem and inferiority complex dictate what I go for in life. Yah, I put up a good front but I know I am the only one holding em back. I can blame other people and past situations but I am the the driver here right? So I am going for it. I have been going for it. So okay, I am doing it. Nothing has been stopping me but me and this year I have been going for it.
Starting with passing my Calc 1 and Asian Religion classes with the necessary grade to stay in my program. I can do it. I know I can. Commitment to the time and effort that I need to get through this as well as the tutor that I am paying. There should be no reason not to pass these classes. If I want it then I will do it!
Mastering the Law of Attraction is really something I think I have been doing all along. I just want to get better at it. I know there are some key components that help everyone succeed, visualizing, naming what it is you want, going for it. I have been doing this my whole life, Master it!
Speak up, tell people what you want. I was told as a child to not ask for anything because that will be a sure fire way not to get it. I have unlearned that. People are not mind readers. My partner, my boss, my kids, my friends, if they don’t know what you want from them, how can they give it to you? How can I be angry for not getting what I wanted when I never told anybody what that was???
Love biggest of all, give it, ask for it, find it, bring it to you, give it away. Most important thing in the whole world.
Health and taking care of me, losing the weight for my healthy heart, my foot problem, my knee, my iron, my cholesterol, weight lifting for my bones, sleep for rest, and taking care of me just for my general health. I am important damn it! I have been biking, walking, kayaking, running and having a great summer. I have truly lived like the person I have always wanted to be in that arena.
Succeed in all the things I want, school, work, health, relationships, do it, you can have it, take it, if you want it, grab it. It is there and plenty enough to go around.
Bachelors degree, has been my dream since I was 17, you go get it girl. You are smart, you can do this, one class at a time, one day at a time, one test at a time, one semester, one year, one lifetime. You are on your way to fulfilling your biggest dream after getting married and having children. It is your time to do this.
Friendships so few in my life, so worried about not fitting in, not taking the time to enjoy, you have friends everywhere, connect. Don’t let time pass you by to do so. Keep in touch with your girls. Make plans, always make plans. Always have something to look forward to. It keeps me young and the excitement drives me forward.
Organizing is the best way for me to feel like I have control in my life. When I feel lost and out of control, when other people have it, and you really can’t do anything about it, I organize something, my closet, my bills, my drawers, my recipe box. It makes me feel like I have some control. I always feel less stressed afterward.
Next best thing to organizing is creating something, cooking, sewing, painting, knitting, who cares, just something. Do it! It is good for your soul.
Something which may seem trivial and superficial to some people is your wardrobe but to me there is nothing that can make me feel better than when I look good. I have been through times in my life when I had so little to wear and times when I had a lot but had nowhere to where it. Now a nice wardrobe can do a lot to make me feel good, make me feel rich, successful, sexy, young, me! It is important to me. Socks and underwear without holes can go a long way in the grand scheme of things.
That same thing can be held true for my house and how it is decorated. I remember my mom not letting me have friends over because the house was so shabby, the furniture so old, and everything dirty and cheap. It has made me feel better, so much better just having a nice couch for people to sit on, and the walls painted. Come on over. Stay a while.
Can I travel just a little please? Nothing helped me grow more than traveling. Leaving my home and loving to another continent expanded my mind more than anything in the whole wide world. Reading can take you there for sure, but to actually see something new something different, WOW! To try and understand another persons culture through their eyes. So interesting.
And all of it along the way, good and bad, let me do it with a positive attitude. I think I have done that. Although sometimes even the best of us can be beaten down. I have managed to stay pretty positive, kept a smile on my face. Yes.
Be grateful for all the things in my life, because I did welcome them all in, now didn’t I? I am grateful for life in general.
and last but not least, I am doing it all with far less alcohol than I have been living my life with in the past. Gary made me realize that alcoholism is not that far out of reach for me. It is an easy solution if you choose it. Far easier than no choosing it. When I am drinking, I want nothing more than that. Nice to realize I am doing well without it. Still difficult when I think of the ‘freedom of responsibility’ that comes when you are drinking. Or at least the propriety of the idea because it comes with far more responsibility that we ever imagine.
And at the end of it all. my green card, the one thing that all I am doing is waiting on.
I am living like the person I have always wanted to be. I really think I am. Everything that I find important is here. I am driving towards all that I have envisioned. I know that I will have all that I want in life. I know that because I am living the life I dreamed of. Not all my dreams have come true yet, that is all. But I am on my way.
This entry has been about sharing with you my friends, my fellow team mates but all about reminding myself that, damn, I am doing it, and I will have it all, do it all, be it all, and nothing will stop me, nothing will get in my way. Life is good. Life is learning, life is an adventure and I am loving it!!!
that just having this goal in my face all the time reminds to think and re-think ‘what kind of person do I want to be?” I thought it was clear but every once in a while I sit and think, “Do I really know?”
Things have happened this year that have made me think a lot about what I am doing and where I am going and how I act and frankly it has not been my best year and at other times I believe that I am exactly where I want to be, where I want to go and doing all the things to get there.
Life can be such a juggling act. Some days I feel it more than others.
that would be work. I have been slacking. Need to kick it up a notch. I have lost touch with my goals. I have been distracted. Time to get back in touch. I know that drinking gets in the way. That needs to stop.
I must say though, I have learned a lot from Sarah, she is forward and direct in her attitude. I have picked that up and I am moving with it.
I think there are days where I am succeeding at this and then there are days that I am failing miserably.
My biggest sticking point – Kelly.
I have learned who I am, think I have a good sense at least. it is when other people come along and I am trying to please them. Big mistake. I am not living like the person I want to be, I am living like the person they want me to be.
Kelly is a pushy person. Mopes, pouts, and other things if I am not with her or able to give her the speedy answers that she wants. I am not going to let her make me feel bad. This is who I am. I do like to get out of bed a 10:00 AM just to get back into it with my computer and write here on 43 things, balance my checkbook, check my email, and review my goals. I hate having people making plans for me.
not so hung up on all kinds of petty things. I feel happy and feel like I am doing all the things I wanted to do.
this woman in my life, is consuming all my time, and I own that, responsible for how I spend every minute of every day. So I kinda need to take the reins here. I am in the middle of reading a book and haven;t picked it up in 6 weeks. I have a list of goals that I have done nothing to work on. I think she thinks that my list consumes me but frankly if I didn’t work on this list I would be cheating myself out of some very phenomenal experiences. So somewhere along the way, I will need to balance this out. Only then will I be able to live like the person I have always wanted to be.
I just saw this wonderful television show about cultural trailblazers on USA called Character Approved. It has to be the most inspirational show that I have ever seen. It touched me at a level that has not been touched for a long time. I have an associates degree in liberal arts. This show reminded me of how connected I felt while I was in school learning about the arts. More specifically how history, politics, literature, music, art are all connected. I remember thinking when I first graduated how different I see the world. How the way I look at things will never be the same. I saw deeper meaning in everything.
Since then so many things have passed, so many years of just working so hard to make ends meet that there feels like there has been no time to enjoy ‘the arts’, the things that I believe connects us all on a different level. I have not had a lot of time to read, listen to music, visit museums, enjoy architecture, follow the news, or stay in touch with the inner me.
This show reminded me of my love of these things. They fill me with joy, with happiness, somehow those things make me feel whole. In some way they make me feel like I am sharing love with the world. People create with emotion, I think it is that element that I feel like I am connecting with. I have no doubt that is the case.
I loved living in Paris, the art, architecture, history, food, it was around me all the time. I loved my time there and have missed it ever since. I see snippets of it in places I go, mostly cities but have not sought it out in my every day life here at home. I do have that choice. I can surround myself with these things. I can bring that joy into my life if I spend more time seeking them out. I have been struggling with sadness and depression due to a lack of balance in my life. That lack can be filled if I truly put my mind to it.
Expand! I must say these feelings, these uplifting feelings that make me want to do more with my life have come and gone. I only wish I could find a way to make them stay for good and always inspire me. That would be a gift that would last a lifetime.
Let’s see how far they take me this time.
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