take life less seriously & give myself space and time to breathe and grow on my own and let that which should be mine come to me

through AA

mindfulness

through the work that I am doing with my therapist and AA, this is what I seem to have been gravitating to. Keep working on this.

WAY to seriously!!!!!! that is what is the problem.

that I am looking for something, not sure what, but that I have feelers out. My vision board is full of things I want right ow, none of them material, all to do with people, health, body, exercise, fun, friends, connections, inspiration.

It is all coming to me. I know it is. The past has already proven it. We tend to focus on the things right in front of us, and this is right there, all the time.

and be happy to live within it.

maybe I could do this. I spoke to a co-worker before I left on vacation and he made a good point. If a man was to do the things that K was doing it would be considered stalking. Her calling me last night, (I have to go outside to use my cell phone as I have crappy service inside my house) to find that she was waiting outside my backdoor looking in my house. That is creepy. I hate it when people just show up unannounced. This was worse because I am not left with a choice to see her or not.

I feel like I don’t have time to breathe and grow when she keeps doing this. She sent an email the other day saying she finally accepts our breakup and then comes to my house to talk about making it work, wanting to change, learning to communicate. I am done! I do not want any of these things. I may love her ans she may love me but I am done waiting for change. Change that she thinks she now has some new perspective on. Things that I have been telling her all along, stuff I have repeated many times and she sits and asks me what it is I am asking for. She can not give me what I want. And I can not give her what she wants. I have compromised. She has not. And now she is willing??? Well tough shit, I have been willing and doing so for over a year, I am done. I put all in from the get go and apparently she has not. I am not giving or trying anymore.

ENOUGH ALREADY!

fifty shades of grey on my Kindle to read for vacation.

“Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the things you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Mark Twain.

I know this is true because I have a lot more regrets for the things I didn’t do right now. Although it does tie in with what I did do. I will regret not going out and seeing more people, not doing more things. I will regret all the time I spent in front of the tv instead of outside with the world.

do the work.