To live instead of exist

I haven’t been here in a while, but maybe it can help me sort things out. I feel so afraid all the time, of everything. Afraid to execute, afraid to fail. I want to love life, to embrace it, to make it mine. Instead I wait timidly at the sidelines letting life happen to me. I really want to change, but I think I’m just afriad to. I think I need to start taking one day at a time. I also need to start believing in myself again.

I am not truly living right now. I make these observations all the time. I can see my life and its flaws. It’s only my failure to execute, to follow through! I need to just start, and stop procrastinating, constantly postponing change. Is it my fear of change?

I feel like I’ve lost my way. Everything is so confusing and I feel so conflicted. I need to rearrange my priorities and start living my life I want to.

I have been getting out and doing more things, trying new things. However, I find that I get restless while doing almost anything. I’m always wondering, what’s next? I need to learn to live in the moment, and appreciate it for what it is. I think this would alay a lot of the anxiety I have.

This is definitely the most important goal of all. All my other things essentially derive from my desire for this feeling of full life. To live free of regret, laziness, anger, and all those other useless emotions can be resolved by strengthening me and my relationships.

I might hate this entry later…