Overcome my eating disorder.

Well I’m in a slump. Boyfriend problems, of course is a trigger to this. I hate it to be but I haven’t figured out how to stop it. Now my body is like I dont want food unless boyfriend problems are gone. My appetite has fled the scene. I am trying to force myself to eat things here and there and I’m taking my vitamins. But I just can’t seem to get hungry and it’s driving me up the walls. I hate this. What can I do? I mean I know I should be able to just snap myself out of this but my brain won’t let me. And the escalating problems with my boyfriend are not helping :(

So, I started eating normally again. Yay for conquering my latest phase of anorexia. I have been successful for months now. To be honest, I’m quiet proud of myself. In all reality though, I think the one person who has helped me is my loving boyfriend of almost a year now. He has been there through thick and thin and has really taught me so much and made me happier in every aspect of my life. As for nowadays, recently I’ve been binge-eating. I just get hungry then I overeat. Then I’ll starve myself for a few days, get that weight off; Eating normally for a few days then it will happen again. Its like a never-ending, random, green light-go – red light – stop thing. Thats the best way I can describe it. Its like I’m teeter-tottering up and down and never completely in the middle…Any advice on how to maintain some stability?

I’m trying to eat more than usual.
Now, i’m trying to eat snacks instead of meals that make me feel like a whale and then starve myself for days..
Today I think I did good, I had some crackers and cheese, carrot sticks, a small lean cuisine pizza, and a bottle of water.
I’m trying. I’ve blinded my boyfriend so much, I wish I could change it. To him, I appear to eat normally.. Ugh.

I’m hoping this is the time my ED goes away for awhile. or forever.
It comes in waves. Some days/weeks/months, I’m okay with eating whatever then Suddenly it’s like OMG, i can’t eat no. im huge. :(

bf issues.
starving = solution.

? help. idk how to deal with the bf issues.
if i lose him, i lose everything.

Ugh.. I’m at the low point again of my anorexia.
I’m happy for once now because I have the most amazing boyfriend any girl could ask for. But him not being here and me being at college with classes, work and such; I just dont eat barely at all. When I do, I’m like ugh… I just put more fat on my bones. I try to eat things that have nothing in them really. Banana Peppers have no calories or anything so I tend to snack on them or green peppers, an apple here or there… I’m taking a woman’s multivitamin.. Maybe that will take place of the food.. ?! :(

My boyfriend promises he is going to stick with me and help me in whatever way he can but it’s like.. I hide it from him cause I just dont want him to be disappointed in me or leave me..

I ate today.
for the past week, i rarely ate.
mostly drank water and had a granola bar here and there.
i actually ate today and kept it down.

im just hoping this one step forward doesn’t lead to 3 steps backwards..

<3

i need some insight please.
so the past 5 days, i haven’t ate.
i have had a tablespoon of mashed potatoes, a waffle with peanut butter on it, and nothing but water the rest of the time.

i drink a ton of water to curb my hunger when i do feel hungry.
but thats the thing, most of the time, i dont feel hungry.
i just dont have the appetite to eat. i dont want to be fat.
i feel like im a cocoon of fat throughout my body, i can’t stand it.

today i haven’t had anything at all except water. i dont know what to do, im sick of this e.d. but i cant stop it. theres so much stuff fucked up in my life, its killing me. i had an anxiety attack this morning at like 5am. it woke me up and i dont know what caused it, maybe a dream?! .. im usually not woken up with them. i wanna be happy but i can’t find anything that makes me happy and the one thing that does, is shutting me out. Yes, it is someone who is so very important to me. :( .. he’s making me crazy by shutting me out right now.

i need to eat but i dont want to. i need some help. i dont want this to get too serious, im scared.. i feel weak and tired alot more now. but i try to take vitamins daily to maybe replace the nutrients im losing by not eating.. but i always forget to take them. im so fucked up. i dont know what to do. anybody have any insight for me, possibly?

<3

Lately…
my life has turned completely upside down.
and it doesn’t look like its gonna change anytime soon…

i feel depressed, sad, angry, inadequate, fat, ugly, etc.
my appetite has diminished. i eat just to show people that
i do eat but such small portions, and when nobody is looking, i trash most of it.

i have a best friend, whom i love to death. she purges.
i never realized what that does. i never did that until this year. I’m a sophomore in college and this year has been everything but good. so much has just ruined it for me.
i got to the point where id be starving, eat then couldn’t
stand that feeling of being full and I’d go purge.

i lay in bed at night and cry cause i hate myself.
i want to be thin, i want to be happy, i want so much
but everything i want seems so incredibly unattainable.

my best friend understands me. she knows how i feel because she’s int he same position as me and i know she is the one person i can go to and talk to about it cause shes not a skeptic or a judgmental authority figure about it with me. i like having that one person in my life, but at the same time, im beginning to think that maybe i need that authority figure to step in and take control and help me. or maybe just a therapist. im scared. worried. insane probably. . .

im a psych major, and i need a therapist myself.?..
this doesn’t sound right at all, i feel like a failure in that sense.

So i’m on my way on hitting rock bottom with this.
i haven’t ate much in days. all ive had is water and barely that. i dont know what to do. i know what im doing but i can’t stand to eat. its like everytime i eat, i can feel the fat growing on mee. its disgusting. i think about it and cry because im hurting myself and i can’t stop it. . . im afraid my friends are going to start noticing. i dont want them to know.