stop being afraid

what i am most afraid of is success, because it opens a whole host of vulnerabilities. some would say i’m successful in the career i’m in now, but that’s largely because i’m anonymous to the vast majority of people and i don’t enjoy my job.

what i really want is to stop being afraid of what i really want to do, to delve into it without restraint or self-sabotage, and to not fear where it will take me. sort of like diving into the middle of the sea, not knowing where the currents will direct you, or if you’ll drown.

of creative success, of all things. i’m desperately scared of being ‘seen,’ which is a leftover of my paranoia. i’m not looking behind me every 2 minutes, but there’s still a residue there where getting published is terrifying to me.