overcome anxiety

even though i have been on celexa for about 3 monthes now im starting to se that its not really working for me , it actually helped me with my GAD but not with my social phobia . my anxiety gets crazy when i think about going out somewhere far away from my home or being with some1 (like a guy im interested in ) for a long time period i always think about what if i catch an attack in front of this person will they think im crazy? will they help me widout judging me? its like im so scared to catch a panic attack that i end up pushing myself to get one. i think i will have to change my medication.

ok well its been almost three weeks i was on citalopram 30mg and i feel relaxed and happy but in a way i feel like i provoke my attacks . right now i feel a lil sad because i have alot on my mind but other than dat i feel 10x much better now compared to me 3 weeks ago

ok well lets see i actually traveled in the train all the way to harlem with little anxiety maybe it was beacuse i drank a xanax pill b4 i went .. in a way i feel like i cheated myself cuzas much as i dont want to depend on the xanax i feel like im not strong enough to overcome my fear of people as of yet .. anyways i went to see the psychiatrist and he put me o 30 mg of celexa … ive been on celexa b4 and it worked wonders for me so im on it again hopefully i get my life baq …anywayz yea i made it out alive being in th etrain for an hr n half

i broke d0wn in tears today because im sooo fustrated with everything in my life .. this anxiety is really taking a toll on me .. tomorrow i have an appointment to see a psychiatrist and i live in queens new york and my doctor is all the way up in harlem and my biggest fear is being around people in trains, buses , or even stores .. anywhere that i feel like i cant escape … i really need to be put back on meds but i dont know how i will do it … im soo scared for tomorrow to come . i juss have to keep reminding myself everything will be ok . i really need to get better . anywayz i will let u guys know what happens tomorrow .. pray f0r me

today i went out for a bit and all i could of think about was rushing home asap … and i was only 2 blocks away from my house lol.. i feel so drained that im gettin so depressed.. my friends are going to get tired of hearing excuses from me and they wont wanna hang out wid me … im always complaining .. people juss think i can juss snap out of it but i cant .. why cant they understand that .i feel like im missing the most important phase in my life … im turning 22 in 3 weeks and i feel like im juss wasting my life home … i havent had any job in so long or go out in so long … i need an escape. im in an abusive relationship which i need to get out but in a way i keep him around as a security blanket cuz i can catch an attack around him and he’s there to help me .. i dont wanna open up to any1 new thats why i stay wid him but he is always yelling at me and cussing . i dont know what to do wid myself im getting so fustrated i juss wanna get better … i wanna be back myself again the outg0ing type .. i would always be the 1 to ask my homegurls to hang out now they the 1 askin me and im afraid 2 leave my house … i have an appointment tuesday to see a psychiatrist but im goin in the train which i feel highly uncomfortable in because of people coming in and out .. so wish me luck …=0(

my first panic attack was when i was 18 yrs old … i was so scared i was goin to die .. i was crazy dizzy my, my heart was pounding really hard and i start 2 throw up.after that i had 1 more panic attack for that year . i went to see a therapist but i juss found it funny so i stopped then i went 2 see a psyciatrist that put me on meds which helped me … i muss say celexa was a life saver . than i stopped taking it cuz i was feeling good. i was anxiety free for 3 years . no panic attacks . nothing i actually thought i was gettin my life 2gether … i was goin to school , werking , and meeting new people .. enjoyin my life then 6 months ago the worst thing ever happened 2 me i came baq down wid the severe anxiety . my job closed down .. but they relocate me somewhere else but my co workers which were family 2 me was all seperated.. i was also in a very abusive relationship .. i had 2 drop out of school because i couldnt be in class for 2 long . i didnt really think 2 much about it until i caught an attack in the train and i felt like evryone was staring at me and a lady nexx 2 me was kind enough to help me .. cuz i was shaking .. i thought i heard people laughing at me n staring at me .. which was prolly my mind playing tricks on me .. sometimes i feel like im goin crazy .. i hate always complaining that im sick or make excuses up to my friends so i wont go out .

my biggest fears are

1) catching an attack in public again and people looking at me like im crazy

2) having any type of illness that i dont know about and i just die

3)being alone

4)losing control and being in the psycho ward

i dont know how to deal with all of dis and i know every1 around me is tryin 2 b helpful but they are getting fustrated . today is the new years and i couldnt stand up cuz i was crazy dizzy . i juss want some1 2 understand what im going through and help me thru it….