Be in a healthy relationship

I look back through pictures and see how relationships started great and they turned out so bad and it scares me to totally throw myself into another on faith that this will be different, especially when the person I am with is uncertain of our future. I am going back to my old ways of being more rational, and using concrete evidence and work with what I have rather than not. I’ve been wanting marriage, but i think there is some truth in that being the wrong decision. So many marriages and cohabitation situations turn out in divorce. I will not cohabitate, that is for sure. Been there, done that, didn’t work. I think staying unmarried for a bit longer is the best thing for me, even though it wasn’t my choice initially. My baggage will go away in time, I hope, especially if I focus on my life, my career, my family, and how great my life is, alone, or not. Damn men in my past….they really left a burn, I wish I had not gone through those unpleasant moments…

i am learning from a new person how one simply says what is on your mind and what you feel. no games, no innuendos, no inferences. It is liberating. I am trying to be the same, and not take things personally, despite dragging so much baggage.

This weekend I overreacted to a “dates” comment. It was not like the nicest thing said..however, it was nothing and especially not the context it was said. I however, added it to my baggage which has been filled with sarcastic put downs, and I overflowed. I immediately reacted negatively-like i’ve never done so badly before- I took myself out of the situation to the bathroom. I let my self feel, and cry and cry and really understand where that came from. Once i did that, i was able to come out go back to our table and be a “normal” person. I am glad i was able to do that…