Find my true love

I have huge commitment issues… because frankly, if I am committed to something then their is a possibility that I will get hurt.. it also means that I might NOT get hurt and find something wonderful… but until I let that fear go… I will not be able to begin… who wants to be in a relationship with someone that is already geared up for the break-up… I know that it is crazy to feel that way, but I can’t help it… or maybe I can? I wonder sometimes about how much I have missed because I was too afraid to go after it… wanting something and being able to let myself go enough to get it are two totally different things… but unless I allow the possibility that I might fall in love and stay in love without an unhappy ending be a part of my belief system… then I can never truly give to another person what is required to have a healthy relationship

So most people I find mentally and emotionally attractive, I rarely find them physically attractive… and one hand feeds the other I believe… but those that I find physically attractive, I don’t find so much in their “insides”.... I have friends that I wish more than anything I would find them attractive because they seem to be perfect for me in all other aspects… but if you don’t have that spark or connection in the beginning… it’s never going to happen, and it’s not about me having to lower my standards, because I don’t put boundaries on things when it comes to matters of the heart… so the one that is two parts of this whole is the one that I so desperately search for

I believe in my heart of hearts that I have a lot to offer another person… like a vessel of untapped love… cause I generally give out lots of love and compassion to those around me, but it is a different kind of love than the I would give to the person I was with… so this love and kindness goes without anything to feed and inspire and grow and nurture… just waits….probably the reason why I hug my friends and family waaay to much…lol…

wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all had little flashing lights above our heads that would go off when we finally meet that special someone we are “destined” to be with… I often hear people say that they knew from the moment they saw someone that they were meant to be together… maybe that is what it is like… so I shall not be cynical about the whole love at first sight thing… because you never know… you just never know… sigh

tried it for about a month, but just never really put much into it… have friends who met and married each other thru this thing… but I am just not one to fall in love with words and emails and funny little words… I need to see the expression on someone’s face and hear the tone of their voice… so much gets lost on the wide web I believe it is just not for me…

Friends and family make my world go round, but it would be nice someday to have someone their that is for me and me alone… sigh… i just have to keep going and moving along until the fireworks happen… good thing I am a patient person

Wishing…hoping…praying… that the existence of one person matching the other like a lost and forgotten puzzle piece… drama free and unconditional… requited… fate…