be happy

last night I had a long conversation with my guy `bout quite complicated things. now I feel a bit hopeless `cause we both must cope with serious problems and it isn`t easy. the worse thing is that it seems I must change my mind `cause I see the things as I want them to be, not the way they really are.

I think I have a long road to go and I feel that this night changed something in our relationship. I don`t know if it`s good or bad, I`ll see it.

maybe in my 21 years I`m finally adult, but I often feel like the smallest child in the world. I still need protection and my emotions are so fragile.

I wish to be happy but it seems to be impossible now.

I`m actually missing somebody
who would take care of me
who would be interested in my troubles
troubles of my insane mind

something hurts
I`m searching for peace
but I`m not able to find it

something`s missin`
lookin` at the gray cloudy sky
alone in the darkness

I used to understand “happy”, I know that I used to be happy.

I was really happy.

I`m unhappy now and I can`t remember, what is like to be happy, I only remember…

I don`t remember.

I remember being happy only in comparison to not being happy, which is what I am now.

God please help me.