overcome borderline personality disorder

Back in therapy. That’s a good feeling.

REALLY need to get more particular about taking my meds, though, because I was Super Bitch last week when I didn’t…

I think I’ve been getting a little bit better lately, but I don’t know. My mood swings aren’t as bad for sure, and I’ve gotten better at controlling my emotions. I’m going through some difficult shit right now.

I joined a BPD group on Yahoo Groups, so maybe that will help me some…other than that, I need to ALWAYS take my meds on time (if I take them late, I sleep until about 4:00 in the afternoon!) and get back into therapy.

Need to get back into therapy…missed an appointment, so my file’s closed until I can get back there…damn it!

My new therapist is AWESOME. I had my first meeting with her today.

And I had to put off my appointment with the psych. doctor because of a conflict with work, so it will be August before I can see him, and I’m hoping he’ll give me some more medication…what I’ve got is working pretty well for some things but not for everything.

I am going to see the psych. doctor I’ve been seeing on the 13th. I will tell him I have had some improvement but am still having killer mood swings half the time, and the other half the time I just can’t get shit done.

I also got in with a new therapist, which is awesome. I called today to check on my status on the waiting list, and they said I had just been assigned today, so that’s really great. My boyfriend told me to keep calling and harassing them until they let me in, because this place is really good.

My counselor is going to refer me to a psychiatrist, but he’s WAY on the other side of town where the bus doesn’t run, and I have no car, so I’m going to look into psych. doctors closer. Maybe I’ll see if my psychiatrist does counseling, too, or if I’m just going to switch altogether.

The psych. doctor won’t give me anything other than trazodone right now, and it’s pissing me off because he won’t listen to the fact that while it’s helping I’m still having issues like severe mood swings (although less frequent) and some depression and anxiety, and I still have a lot of trouble concentrating. I’m not a fiend (at least not over antidepressants), and I’m not just trying to get drugs, because I don’t even KNOW what I need, I just know I need something else, damn it!

One of my good friends also has BPD, and she and I were wondering if we could start a support group for people in our area…it can’t just be the two of us, can it?

When I DSM-IV’d my ex-fiance, whom I knew to have another mental disorder (what he has is nobody’s business, but it’s a pretty bad one, and he won’t get help for it), I discovered he may also be borderline because all the symptoms fit him…maybe that’s why he and I were so alike.

Oh, and I go to the psychiatrist in a week…I will tell him the trazodone has made me about 500% more “normal” but I still have a ways to go. I’m also seeing my counselor next week to bid him farewell (assuming me getting into this other psych. place works out).

I’m going to try to get in with a new counselor. I’ll call the psychology clinic on Monday.

UPDATE: As soon as I get off this thing (here in a few), I am making appointments both with my counselor (to discuss me going to the psychology clinic and wrap up some loose ends), my psychiatrist (to let him know next month how the meds are working out…it’s helping a lot, but I might need additional medication), and the psychology clinic.

The more I find out about BPD, the more I think that it’s not really a disorder at all. And what I mean by that is not that people with BPD are not disordered (I know I am) but that there is no such thing as BPD. It seems like the catch-all for people who are a little off and they don’t know what else to label them as. There are something like 28 criteria for diagnosing the disorder, yet a person must have only five to be diagnosed. I do believe it is a personality disorder, however, so maybe it should be called Personality Disorder Not Otherwise Specified? The DSM-IV has that terminology for developmental disorders and eating disorders…why not personality disorders?