get over my crush

halloween I saw him and we kissed! it was really sweet, and really drunken at the same time but faithful nontheless.

what is it about young men? call me a pedophile I call it lucky.

crushing again!

is this horrible or what?

and to be honest I’m not sure if this should really be categorized as a crush or not. I thought crushes were brief, temporary moments of inspired passion, but this “crush” has been killing me! This person is killing me! I see them everywhere I go! at the store, at school, in my sleep. Die crush die! I can’t help but get excited when I see this person and it has come to the point where it has become impossible to hide my feelings anymore! I blush and smile and feel so happy happy. I call them or text them and beg beg beg for attention.

If a certain someone who is currently involved in my life is to read this and think that I am talking about “MAX” no I’m not. No love crush there. trust me.

Just thought I would clear the air there.

Phew! Anyhow…

I guess from what I described above one can say that it may be a variety of individuals. It really could be anyone but their name shall not be revealed because I would be so embarrassed. And this person who I have so deeply fallen for, i mean shallowly fallen for, will be a long term “goal.” It makes the chase that much more fun right? Because I feel in my heart that they are so right.

BUT

I am scared. What if I actually capture my crush and then they don’t seem as appealing anymore? What if all the expectations I have set for this person can never be met? I don’t want that

HENCE WHY MY GOAL IS TO “GET OVER MY CRUSH!!”“

A little while ago at work we (the girls) were talking about who we thought were hot coworkers and such. I so bluntly stated that I had a crush on YOU KNOW THAT CRUSH! And that I found him attractive but thought he was wayyyy too old for me. Apparently that made it’s way around to him

Here is how I found out that he knows that I have a crush on him.

Sunday Morning I was working with a gay coworker friend when he confronted me about a “crush” issue. Apparently my crush and gay coworker were at a bar and my crush told him that he knew I had a crush on him.. Hope you caught all of that.

Anyhow I feel totally mortified. And apparently, word is getting around! because I have been confronted about the issue on several occasions since. I told them all no way jose and what not but like idk. I still obviously do of course! I feel so embarrassed because I don’t want to have this crush. I’ll get over it soon. I know i will. I have to.

You know what’s more fun than having an unwanted crush? Having an unwanted crush on someone who does not sincerely want you back. It’s a pain in the ass trying to deal with all of these mixed feelings. Making long term plans to be with this person and failing. Giving myself a two year limit in a lame attempt to fulfill my emptiness. I can’t sleep like I used to. I don’t want all of these stupid feelings that won’t mean anything in the end. I am very tired of playing with love, teasing it and letting it get to my head. I need something concrete and stupid crushes won’t lead to that intense feeling of deep affection I so foolishly crave.

For some reason or another, I feel I must share this with someone. A couple years ago a person from work left. I felt very sad that I never said goodbye and that is probably why I still have feelings for this person today. Anyhow, he is back at the place I work and I cannot stop thinking about him. I have a boyfriend now, but for some reason or another, it’s like that doesn’t even matter anymore. This “crush” is significantly older than me but seems so sincere. I can’t say I know much about him or even talk to him very often but I can’t help myself but blush when I say hi or silly things like that. I feel so doltish or childish for having this crush. There must be some way to get rid of it? For God’s sake I cannot live with this crush for I see him at work all the time and it would be lame to attempt anything that suggests I am remotely interested in him. Help?

btw

-I think he might be gay. I am not sure if I am just telling this to myself to help me get over him or if there is a great truth to this statement. Probably gay? yeah definetly probably most likely gay…