The trick here is knowing when to let go.
It is my husband’s parents’ 60th anniversary.
He says, how many people do you know who have a 60th anniversary? He wants to give them a party. Invite all the brothers and sisters, and whatever grandkids want to come.
They live in Las Vegas, and although they go out every night to the casinos (yes, each and every night, unless there is something the matter), getting them interested in going anywhere else (except one particular Chinese restaurant) has been difficult (but far from impossible) these past few years.
My husband wants them to have a party. He is more than happy to throw the party, (after a fashion, as he is rather busy to make the plans) but he is on a plane…
We chatted a bit about it, before he left. Already the family dramas are beginning to unfold, but that is to be expected. He talked about going to the Chinese restaurant, as that is what was mentioned.
We shall return to this thought, in a bit. My mind took off on a tangent – why have a 60th anniversary party at a dumpy neighborhood restaurant when it can be much more festive? I searched around and found a house that sleeps 18 people. That should take care of the accommodations for the four families coming from out of state, plus give us a really beautiful place for the party, as this house is very special. And it’s available. And I said I’d cook the meal, so the family can socialize and the costs will be kept way down.
Four phone conversations later, involving two of the in-laws, and it turns out what the parents supposedly want is to get together with their own sons and daughters, leave everyone else at home, and have the boys rehang the gate and fix the roof. And papa will not agree to go to another house for dinner. (Of course this is part speculation and part those phone calls from mama giving her version of what was going to happen but could not and did not because no one planned with anyone else)
The Chinese restaurant. Maybe it really is set in stone. You can’t ask, here. You can’t say, “Would you like it if…” because that is an invitation to certain of them to decide that someone else in the family will not go along with it, so no.
The thing that is cluttering up my life here is my attitude that what matters to me (and my husband) actually matters to the rest of his family. It is not that they are hoping someone will put it together and they can just go ahead and show up. It is that they don’t believe it can actually come together and because of that, their enthusiasm for participating is pretty much not there.