Stop holding on to the things that clutter my home and my life

There is the fawn sweater that I did not donate after no one bought it at the garage sale. And I pulled R’s camel sport jacket out of the donation pile because I have always loved seeing him in it. He may wear it again.

But we sold enough stuff to feel OK about donating the remainder of the clothes, minus what I mentioned and my black wool skirt suit with the skirt that wraps long on one side and short on the other, with the snappy form fitting jacket. And the felt hat with the netting. It won’t be worn in Hawaii, but there is that European adventure in the offing, later in the year, so a pretty and sexy suit is a good idea.

The house is looking barren.

We are getting there.

Gotta work on my timeline, and then the big discardia rolls on!

Sofas, beds, plants, dishes and the pantry contents. “Statues, jewels, roasts!” I’m going to lose lots of weight here!

We are coming up on the move to the island divestment. Divestment? I think there is another word I am looking for. We will be -getting rid of- passing along most of our possessions.

It is time to thoughtfully consider who might love to receive splendid orchid plants, winter clothes, dishes, carpets, pillows & linens – we simply will not be bringing these things to our already furnished house.

I am certain we will become frequent visitors to the dump.

Wonder how much of this stuff will get picked up by the girls, how much will go to the curb with the FREE sign tacked on.

What I need to let go of:

The expectations I form in regards to the girls.

I have the idea that I am free of forming such expectations, and then it just sort of happens.

Never mind that I have a right to some expectations. I don’t think that is the point – that is the hang up.

Instead, I need clear communication. When they want something from me, and the expected answer is my yes, what I also must do is spell out any boundaries.

So, when she wants to go out to the beach house for the weekend with her boyfriend, the boundaries are yes to you and him, no to anyone else. Please confine yourself to one of the bedrooms and one of the bathrooms. When I come into the house, I expect to see the kitchen clean and the beds made. And oh yes, the weekend begins Friday and ends Sunday at noon, unless you want to pay for the cleaning crew. Grrrrr.

Now I have vented, and hopefully know what I need for my own self here, as far as letting go of certain of my own ways.

poof

The trick here is knowing when to let go.

It is my husband’s parents’ 60th anniversary.

He says, how many people do you know who have a 60th anniversary? He wants to give them a party. Invite all the brothers and sisters, and whatever grandkids want to come.

They live in Las Vegas, and although they go out every night to the casinos (yes, each and every night, unless there is something the matter), getting them interested in going anywhere else (except one particular Chinese restaurant) has been difficult (but far from impossible) these past few years.

My husband wants them to have a party. He is more than happy to throw the party, (after a fashion, as he is rather busy to make the plans) but he is on a plane…

We chatted a bit about it, before he left. Already the family dramas are beginning to unfold, but that is to be expected. He talked about going to the Chinese restaurant, as that is what was mentioned.

We shall return to this thought, in a bit. My mind took off on a tangent – why have a 60th anniversary party at a dumpy neighborhood restaurant when it can be much more festive? I searched around and found a house that sleeps 18 people. That should take care of the accommodations for the four families coming from out of state, plus give us a really beautiful place for the party, as this house is very special. And it’s available. And I said I’d cook the meal, so the family can socialize and the costs will be kept way down.

Four phone conversations later, involving two of the in-laws, and it turns out what the parents supposedly want is to get together with their own sons and daughters, leave everyone else at home, and have the boys rehang the gate and fix the roof. And papa will not agree to go to another house for dinner. (Of course this is part speculation and part those phone calls from mama giving her version of what was going to happen but could not and did not because no one planned with anyone else)

The Chinese restaurant. Maybe it really is set in stone. You can’t ask, here. You can’t say, “Would you like it if…” because that is an invitation to certain of them to decide that someone else in the family will not go along with it, so no.

The thing that is cluttering up my life here is my attitude that what matters to me (and my husband) actually matters to the rest of his family. It is not that they are hoping someone will put it together and they can just go ahead and show up. It is that they don’t believe it can actually come together and because of that, their enthusiasm for participating is pretty much not there.

http://www.clothingswap.org/

A couple of weekends ago I went to Suzanne’s swap at a Pinole restaurant.

I mentioned it somewhere on 43 T, but not on this goal, where it belongs.

Your donation pays for lunch and mimosas, and money went to help earthquake victims in China.

You take clothes that are in fine shape but not right for you anymore. I took lots of shoes I wore once, three bags of clothes, and an armload of clothes on hangars. I think I counted over 36 contributions.

I came home with a shirt and a jacket.

It was a fun way to divest. I met some women who live around here. And I’m totally pleased with the results. The clothes that didn’t get picked up on the trade all got donated to a women’s shelter. So it works out fine all around.

This is what I want to let go of.

Paralytic procrastination.

This is particularly problematic around money matters, and I have no idea why, or when it started.

But if I can be successful in this one thing, it will change my life.

I like plans. So I am devising a plan for this.

It starts with a box. A nice box that I like to look at. Into this nice box goes all mail that should not thrown out. Mainly bills.

Every Saturday morning, first thing, I go to the box, open the mail, and take care of it. Bills are paid, and paid bills go into their drawer and folder.

Plus, a little on line sheet gets updates for tax time.

That is it. Simple, tidy, and I can do this.

Now I am going to get my husband aboard, and this system is a go.

The final step on it will be the to do list at the end of the little on line sheet I keep. When something needs attention, it will be annotated to the list, where I will see it Saturday mornings and make sure I do not keep procrastinating.

My life is cluttered right now by stress induced discomfort.

Even sickness.

For weeks now I have had a bladder infection. I tried homeopathy, and for the first time in at least a decade, it did not work. So, I went to the MD. Got drugs. Took drugs. They did not work.

I contemplated what this meant. Chronic inflammation? Please say it’s not that!!! Cancer? yikes! I had about made my mind up to go to the acupuncture doctor, and talked it over with my husband.

He thought it might be a good idea to go back to the MD and get some more tests. So reluctantly I went. Turns out this thing I am holding onto is an infection. A resistant infection, and I now have a two fisted Rx that hopefully will knock it out altogether on the first punch. And lots of food supplements I am supposed to be taking.

OK!!! Much better than the alternatives.

So, I am going to let this infection go, and along with it my ideas about what should work. And hope there is a nice ripple effect in the rest of my life.

One of the most ludicrous things I do is about this place in Hawaii.

We have a manager who is very good at keeping the place rented out. She has a fondness for it, and suggests it to people who call asking where they should stay. She has a popular website for Hawaii vacation rentals.

But when it comes to taking care of the small stuff, she has her own ways and cannot be shaken loose from them. For example, switches break on lamps. At rentals, people seem particularly harsh on switches. When the switch goes, she retires the lamp.

So horrors, the switch just went on the big signature lamp. If we leave tomorrow and the switch is out, we’ll find the lamp in the shed when we return, the silk shade all moldy & the base corroded. I was on the verge of switching our flight to Sunday, but my sweetie drove a half hour into Hilo to his favorite place the hardware store that stays open late, for a new switch assembly.

And I worked until it got dark planting orchids and ferns and bromeliads.

So here is the “stop holding onto…” part of this.

All the orchids I bought when I was here last and left in the house were dead when we got here. Their pots were shoved into corners of the lanai behind the large ti plant.

So this time, this afternoon, I planted all the new orchids outside in the hapu’u ferns. I am over my sadness that the guests won’t have blooming orchids inside the house, as the view into the garden is now full of orchids in the hapu’u. When you take a shower outside, there are not only anthurium and bromeliads in the giant ferns, but also fragrant orchids.

I have let go of the idea that my manager who keeps the house rented out so it pays for itself should also manage indoor plants. Let her keep her bouquets going, and thanks to my honey who was willing to drive an extra hour after we already spent several hours on the road today, the lovely lamp will still be working tomorrow.