Experience Worry-free Living

I had an attack of vertigo. Sometimes I’ve felt a little dizzy or light headed for no good reason, and it has simply passed.

But today, there I was, and I sank onto the ground so I would not tumble over, startling the poor girl I was talking with. She became so worried, and I felt suddenly the weight of age all over me like cobwebs.

Mr M said it is stress, and instructed me in thought process. Perhaps he is right.

How ironic that I would move to Hawaii to become less stressed and instead become ten times as stressed. Things must change. I will ponder this.

It is not that the experience I am after but the reality, full time.

We have been in a sort of cash crunch the last few days, so chose this moment to sell off some excess stuff. Putting a couple hundred dollars in the pocket so we can pay the guys who help unload the Bali shipment Saturday is a relief.

The pups are having a late late day nap as I sit here and type into the waning day.

In fact I could write a list of worries out but will refrain as I do not want to give this any more play.

I am however wondering where is the person who wanted to visit from Hilo but rather than have me drive and pick up decided on the bus and is who knows where with no cell phone, and bus came by 45 minutes ago…

Will he be on the next bus??? Was he on that bus? Did he get off at the visitors center in the park instead of the village?

hmmmmmm…..

As surprising as this may be, the news sources seem to sensationalize reporting to such a degree that I have no idea what we are in for with this storm.

The storm tracker published by the weather service shows it is dead on to hit Hawaii tomorrow sometime, and will have winds of up to 50 MPH or higher, with higher gusts.

Ever since moving here, I have paid close attention to the deviation between weather forecasts and actual weather, and the deviations are so great that you cannot tell what the weather will be from the forecast, almost any day.

There is a scientific basis for what to expect in terms of hurricane activity on the Big Island. The water temperatures of the ocean as defined by the currents are insufficient to support a full blown hurricane, meaning that tropical storms cannot reach hurricane velocity over the island.

All that being said, in average weather since we have been here heavy objects have blown off the lanai (plants with rocks weighing down the pots), so I am bringing inside all the potted orchids. Power delivery is sketchy during average storms, so I am finishing up the laundry. Maybe I will learn how to use our generator – must have gas on hand to run it!

Have candles, have firewood. Have water.

People all over the island are laughing at the hoo-hah about this storm, saying it will be pretty much like normal here on the wet side. I am very curious to see. We have had some dramatic weather since coming here, so it will be interesting to compare this storm with the amazing thunder and lightening of a couple of weeks back that shook the mountain!

Yesterday I got to try a Hawaiian brew that is supposed to promote a sense of well being. It is called kava but in Hawaii, awa.

It sits around in an open bowl (slightly unappealing, but then, so does punch, and I have no problem with that) and is stirred and stirred and then ladled into a coconut cup.

It tastes a little bitter, and bitter herbs do promote good health, so that was OK too.

After the first swallow, your mouth turns numb, so maybe the dentist could consider awa extract to numb gums during certain routine dental work. Then the numbness goes away.

The effects: subtle. Not like alcohol. I had only one cupful, and the awa barman said multiple cups will affect motor skills, but not sharpness. In fact, mental acuity increases. I tested the worry-diminishing effects by reviewing my litany of current issues, and found none of them bothered me. They all felt very manageable. This effect went on maybe three or four hours.

So, next trip to the health food store, I’m picking up the awa powder and will keep it right on hand. Worry is non-productive, and whatever causes it to go away is welcome.

we were both fearful of what might await. Papa at 95 had not eaten much in days and was in bed.

We weren’t talking about it and I asked R if he was OK and got back an answer out of George Harrison lyrics. Working now not to worry concentrating on loosening plans in case of needing to be back here.

But the OG brightened up and got out of bed. He watched the tree house excavation videos and wanted to see lava. Love my iPhone for all this. And he scarfed down the Chinese food we brought in.

Mama doesn’t cook and is without a drivers license. Daughter M sat with Mama and went over the drivers license test questions. Mama told stories. She has a way with words, an entertaining way. Like when you ask what they’re up to if it’s watching TV it’s sitting down with Obama because he’s on so much.

We found a local Chinese food delivery so we’ll be calling in orders there a couple times a week and see how that works out. You never know though. Mama may pass that driving test.

Good news!

In fact, an auspicious beginning to this in-between phase where we rent out the house and move our stuff out of it, holding onto only those things that have a place in Hawaii.

It is much easier to set aside worry and doubt with this crucial matter resolved. It is a happy situation because the family loves the house and will be wanting to stay on long term.

Now I am going to take the dog for his long awaited walk…

Here we are, close to the brink of our much anticipated life change. I am doing OK with the cleaning out part, and doing much better with the deciding what to keep part.

We pared things down to only what we can certainly use but did include the art (at least in the calculation) and got some pricing for the shipment.

Meantime, all that churns up the emotions:

daughter’s pregnancy and the family reaction. We will be gone for the “large part of it” and return for a visit when the baby is due. I am sad to miss out, sometimes think of just staying on… but the building part needs me there.

still waiting on the bank for the so called “work-out” on the loan.

still waiting for a renter

worked on the web pages with a web designer yesterday, and he puts hours and hours into it. Happily he is in the mood for some trade, but this will still cost a couple thousand, and I am certain be worth it. He is a talented artist and networker.

Still uncertain what the costs will be to put up the pavilion. It could get scary but not too.

There are several elements of the projects that have not been priced out, in addition to the above. I’d thought I’d left a really big cushion but now it is hard to tell. As new people enter the mix they bring with them special ideas and one of the hardest things is saying “no” because the cost is going to be something of concern.

So the result of all this is a nervous reaction I thought at first was hives but I now recognize as the dread shingles, a herpes outbreak. On my eyelids, the edges of one wrist, actually around and about the soft and vulnerable parts of my anatomy. Rather than go into the office today, I decided to stay home, watch the finches tend their babies, continue to weed through my personal items, and write a poem.

My older daughter is not responding to me, although did call once and leave no message after the earlier debacle. She’d better not be after breaking my heart here.

Time for a “the universe is unfolding as it should” mantra. Notes of reassurance, lots of water and B vitamins.

caught in a shit storm between my daughters

They are saying all kinds of crap about each other. I feel like I stepped into someone else’s bad drama.

One seems to be in a shit load of trouble, so I am trying to let the coolness of my mind prevail. I guess I will give her a chance to tell me about it.