Send a postcard to Postsecret

that I made 6mths ago and never got around to sending. the situation sort of resolved itself and I didn’t feel like it was a secret I needed to unload at that time. Funny how things go full circle…. :(

I cut the original one up, collaged parts of it onto a new card – same secret, same inspiration, a presentation that more accurately reflects how I feel right now.

is posted on the postsecret site this week. Its a postcard I sent about 11mths ago – the very frst card I made, in fact. To see it surprised me, to say the least. I figured it hit the discard pile and was never to be seen.

Still not sure how I feel about seeing it “out there”. And it interesting to see how things have changed, how my perceptions have changed in those months.

I have more cards on the horizon. This is something that I envisage will be ongoing for me.

I made another card today – it was my 7th – and have an idea for the next one ready to go.

Reading the website, making these cards, sharing these secrets, no matter how small, makes me feel like I’m not so alone, that everything will get better eventually.

Just completed my 6th card and will hit the Post office this afternoon for stamps.

My teenage daughter made her first card last night – and she honoured me by sharing it with me. It wasn’t really a secret to me (mother’s instinct ;)) but I’m so proud of her. I hope it makes the cut – it’s a great card.

After the trauma of the last postcard i sent, these 2 will be a piece of cake, I think. Oddly, they are spin-off secrets of the last one that caused me so much anxiety when I let it go.

And this time, it’s not bothering me at all. In fact, I’m 99% certain both of the postcards, if either of them make the cut, will be recognised by the other person the secret involves. And that possibility makes me feel almost relieved.

I mailed another card to PostSecret today.

I created the postcard for the same reason most people do – to unburden myself. To share a secret I haven’t told anyone else, not because I don’t want to, but because I know I can’t. Creating a card allows me to at least speak the words artistically, even if I can’t verbalise them. So I booted up Photoshop, grabbed the glue & scissors and “told” my secret. (And creatively, I think it was the best yet…)

Previously, dropping that postcard in the box has made me feel lighter, less burdened. But those were small secrets, really trivial in the grand scheme of things. This secret is the biggest one I have, the one that’s overwhelming me, eating me alive. The one I can’t share, though I desperately want to.

This time, the second I dropped that card through the slot, I felt nauseous. Nervous & scared & alone. If I could have reached in and pulled it out again, I would have. As it slipped from my fingers into the postbox, I suddenly thought “Oh God! What if someone figures it out? R (my daughter) reads the site every week – what if my card is chosen and she realises it’s mine?”. Minor panic attack, major anxiety and nausea. It took quite a while to calm myself down.

I know that the chances of my card being chosen are slim. I know the chances of anyone, particularly my daughter, recognising it as mine are even slimmer because she has absolutely no idea this secret even exists. And with the previous cards, the possibility of recognition hasn’t bothered me. This time it does.

All that said, I’ll probably continue to create cards and send them in. After today, they should be a piece of cake….

in the mailbox this morning. Releasing that secret into the world makes me feel so much fresher for letting it go.

and felt lighter the moment I dropped it in the box. I have another almost ready to go and my heart doesn’t feel quite so heavy because of it.