earn my pharmD

... and it’s surreal and hardly believable. Here’s to the future.

This goal is getting more and more frustrating as it gets closer. (See entry filed today under the goal “Stop Breaking Technology.”)

I want my degree, and then I would like to take a long nap. :)

When I think about graduation, I want to cry. Not happy tears, overwhelmed tears… I will be a good pharmacist. I am so prepared for this. I will pass my licensure exam. I am competent. I am caring and empathetic and all those things the CVS commercials claim pharmacists should be (but I will NOT wrap rainbows around my patients… have you seen these ads?!)

BUT – and it’s a big but – I have been in school since I was 2 years old. TWO. (Ok, so it was pre-school, but it counts here.) Realistically, this means that I cannot remember a time when I was not in school. I don’t know how to not be in school. They don’t prepare you for these things, and I’m scared damn it.

Then I will be Dr. Johnson, which, as my boyfriend has so nicely pointed out to me, is also the name of an adult novelty company… Great. :)

That’s the advice my boss (and mentor) gave me regarding the last year of pharmacy school. I’m on clinical rotations. Doesn’t that sound exciting? It sounds like I will be learning from experts in the field, learning things I didn’t know, having light bulbs, feeling confident about my schooling and my career and my future…

None of that is happening. My preceptors all love me and think I’m competent. Great. Teach me something! ANYTHING! This is my last chance to learn before I’m on my own and I’m supposed to be the expert.

I am so disappointed. I want to punch something. I’m sick of doing things that don’t matter. I want what I do to matter.

192 days, 10 hours, 48 minutes…

No, I am not counting. I have a widget on my dashboard that does that for me. :)

May 10th, 2008, baby. Yeah.