forgive people who have hurt me

6 years ago, almost to this day, I met a boy who I was smitten with… He was charming and intelligent, had great taste in music, and taught me to drive stick shift, a near-impossible task. My crush turned into one of the best friendships I’ve ever had – finally, a person who really got me, a soulmate if there is such a thing in this world.

2 years ago, he moved to Brooklyn, and I felt forgotten. No phone calls, no emails, no mixtapes of random indie-emo-techno-pop. I went to visit, it wasn’t the same, we had a fight. All of his new friends weren’t like me. Some of them weren’t even like him.

When he decided to come back, I was overjoyed. We picked up where we had left off. We were instant friends once again.

This summer, his heart led him back to Brooklyn again, and this time, seemingly more permanently. Brooklyn has this power to silence him in my life. The unanswered phone calls hurt. They hurt like hell. I miss my friend.

I realize in these past entries, I’ve merely been listing the people I need to forgive. Now I need to work on letting the forgiveness come…

I had two best friends in high school. One of them is still my sister – we stay in touch and visit whenever we can, even though we’re miles apart. The other is lost to me – she’s cut off all contact, even though we’re in the same city.

I thought I had stopped missing our friendship, but then I heard through the grapevine of small hometown gossip that she’s getting married this summer… and I won’t be there, and it hurts, damn it.

How do you forgive someone who probably doesn’t care if she’s forgiven? How do I get her to forgive me?

This month was the anniversary of a broken heart. I barely remembered it, and that felt good, until I realized I could only say it had felt good because maybe I did remember, just a little bit.

A friend brought me coffee with a handwritten note curled up in the handle of the mug. “I let go of that which does not serve me.”

I am done being bitter. I am happy again, I am myself again. Harboring resentment does not serve me. I can finally say I hope you are happy too, and mean it with all of my heart.