get a divorce

So it’s over a year since I asked him to move out. And I get this strange phonecall from a woman named ‘Sherry’ who just would like me to know that my ‘husband’ has been involved with someone since my littlest girl was a baby. She had a similar thing happen to her and decided she would tell me. I have no idea who she was, i didnt’ really ask any questions. I said, ‘ok, bye..” and that was it…
HMMMM…I suspected cheating maybe the last three years of our marraige, just because of his behavior. But i could never find any proof or information. This phonecall doesn’t really count as proof, I suppose, but I believe it anyways. It makes sense.
aFter child 3 was born, things got bad between us, most of it was him criticizing me and telling me how I need to improve, blah blah blah…whole time he was cheating. Turning the tables and making me take the blame when he was the one cheating. Deriding me to make himself feel better.
tHe call totally rocked me..I was quite shaken up. I know it doesn’t really matter at this point, and really, that information could be very vindicative…I could finally just tell people he was a cheater instead of trying to explain what happened to our marraige. but it hurt to hear it.
I vented to friends, by writing and I made a few decisions. fIRSTLY, i WILL call my friends in Ohio and tell them what I just learned. They don’t really believe me when I try to explain what a louse of a husband he was….they think he’s such a great guy.
oh, i am so glad to be rid of him.
I feel much better today…

Actually, neither of us are in a hurry for a real ‘divorce’ but prefer legal seperation for now, so I can stay on his insurance. We are both okay with that.
But our finances are complicated and it is taking the lawyers a LONG time. I am a little frustrated. They took my money quickly but are not good at letting me know what is happening.
more phone calls to make this week….

the ex and i have been getting along great. I don’t like him much, have no respect for him, but we are able to work together especially where the kids are concnerned.

Can’t believe it has been this long. I made a second appointment, I didn’t mean to put it off for so long. It’s hard to balance all this stuff now. I have to be the primary care-taker of the kids, take care of the house myself, including the lawn and the bad things that happen…like the flooded basement which took all of march to clean up. it seems like there is always obstacles. Like in January and Feb. the kids and I had 11 cases of stomache flu-I had it 3 times. In Feb was the snow- 8 feet in a week. Then the flood. But I do realize there will always be obstacles, and I do need to get moving.
I have been so happy. For no reason, really. Just getting out of the awful marraige. I am no longer tired or lathargic about life. I am excited, full of energy, feeling like I like myself again. I should have done this LONG ago….

I really like her..she was very helpful and is not intimidated by the fact that my husband is a lawyer. She knows him and the firm he works for.
My next step is to fill out a bunch of paperwork on my expenses so we can figure out how much money he needs to give me. She agrees that the agreement he drew up is unfair.
I have not been doing my homework…I am reluctant to get moving on it..I tend to do that alot. But the lawyer said there was no big hurry, and I’d like to wait til January to make my next appt. anyway.

My lawyer’s office called to postpone my appointment. Now I have to wait another week..my stomache is in knots, I can’t eat, or concentrate. I have very little income, lots of bills..
I really wanted to get this step over with so I could start figuring out my new life.
And I need some help getting the asshole to start taking some responsibility…like child support, actually taking care of his children, that kind of thing.
I was SO disappointed and depressed about the delay. It was very hard to get through the day. But I did force myself to keep chugging along..usually I give up and want to crawl in bed.

THE husband drew up a seperation agreement and gave it to me the day before my birthday. I went over it with 2 lawyer friends who gave me great advice. I did quite a bit of research myself, and I found an attorney and made an appointment for next week.
I have a whole list of questions, lots of documents. I am ready to go…

The next step and the one that makes it all seem so real.
I got alot of good advice from lawyer friends..I just am so reluctant to get started on it.

My husband and I haven’t really been getting along for three years now..we were just kind of sailing. I KNOW he doesn’t want to be married..he is far too selfish. I finally had enough and stopped being afraid. Well, I am very afraid, and very sad, but sometimes hopeful. He was such a disappiontment to me, still is.
I kicked him out, and he’s so matter-of-fact about it.
I am making him tell the kids tonight. I cannot bear to do it. They will be absolutely crushed. He has done nothing but hurt me for the last ten years. I used to have alot of self-esteem and I really was comfortable with myself. Living in this loveless marraige has drained me of all that. I only hope I can get it back.
Does anyone know any websites or groups that actually help? I am not much for chat rooms, but just some advice. Everytime I search the web I get overwhelmed and cry.