Worry is a funny thing…
It’s so natural to worry in some ways,
as we are concerned with people’s well being,
as well as our own.
I have been worrying lots about Rosa recently. The thing I worry about the most is the isolation that and illness like ME brings.
Unknown illnesses (ones that we can find no causal link, (without definition)) are a worry in themselves, and ME is one of the most isolating illnesses on the planet i feel. It has deeply shocked me how much this illness affects Rosa’s energy levels. It sometimes baffles me, and i simply end up thinking, how can this be real?! what the hell is going on here?!
I really start to worry when these thoughts get in my head, because I really want Rosa to be happy, and to do the great things that are in her to do. She has such a lot to offer and share in the world. She is desperate to move out of home, yet, due to her energy levels, she currently simply cannot get about. In the last year, she has relapsed in her illness, making her even more isolated… I mean, i simply can’t understand how someone can cope with seeing people for a hour or two, other than her parents, maybe only once a week, if lucky; to be so ill that one can only get out of bed for a few hours is often the case; to have spent the majority of the last 13 years in bed,... i just don’t get it! Most people would get driven completely mad by this. somehow she has kept her sanity, but i imagine that she must really break down sometimes… who in the same situation wouldn’t?
What I most of all want to do when I think of this isolation she must feel, is give her a big hug, and say “everythings gona be alright!” and give a big smile on my face, and say “don’t worry! Its OK”
But I do worry, and i do think that things are not ok. Yes, in the big picture of the universe, all the suffering is meaningless, vast, and endless, and is all OK but in Rosa’s world and in the world of thousands of people who suffer from disabling illnesses across the world, its not ok, and its not ok for those who try, as hard as they might, to care for their loved ones. It is painful to even contemplate it, never mind actually live with it.
What can be done about it?
I like to think, on the whole, that love, above any therapy, or diet, or healing method, is that most healing thing that can be done.
“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends….. ....In a word, there are three things that last forever:
Faith, hope, and love;
But the greatest of them all is love.”
How can we show love?
Doing little things helps. Keeping in touch helps. Sharing things helps. Chats on the phone, letters through the post… even just letting them know your thinking about them. Letting them know that they are loved… For an illness like ME, there are various ways of helping the physical body, but no known consistent cure, as its a different illness for everyone. Its a big unknown. When I am faced with big unknowns, I ask for help. I ask the spirits to help me, for the universe to help me, for God to help me, even though I don’t know what this means. I guess it means that when I am faced with something terrifying and unknown, I need to sense something bigger and more powerful than myself guiding me, so that I can overcome my small fears, and doubts, and lack of understanding. I mean, we are all part of a larger whole, always. Its this larger whole that i am asking for help. I ask this vastness of which I am a part to take care of me, and take care of Rosa, and her family, and to give us the awareness of how to make the most of where we are all at; there may be little we can do in such situations, but we at least need to feel sure – sure that we have done at least everything that we can do, to help reduce and ease the suffering that illness brings with it, even if we cannot cure it.