lose weight

It is hot weather again and everyone wears T-shirts except me, as I have to hide my weight. So I went to buy some stuff and was sweating all the time. I hate myself. I can’t control myself. I always repeat same mistakes. I’m never going to win myself. Also I saw my neighbour who has a baby. She lost all her extra pounds after pregnancy and I can’t do this weight lose for 100 years. Uh… Sometimes I motivate myself but it just can’t last for a long. Thought I am not satisfied for a long. Looser…

I want to be attractive to my housband. I know that he loves me in the way I am but I just don’t feel good. Yesterday he came home from work and said that one guy showed them his girlfriend pictures and she was really attractive so my housband’s collegues asked him to bring pictures o’mine so they can see how I do look like as they don’t know me. I know that my housband didn’t have same thoughts in his head as I did but I felt so ashamed and sad. I want him to be proud of me. Also I remember how it looked like when we were dating. It’s surprising how dating someone will force one to care about their appearance. I don’t know why I don’t have no more energy for doing such a thing. Sometimes I dream that he has to leave somewhere for a while and then when he is back I put off and buy some new clothes, make my hair and make up and look nice so he feels good about me. Oh, I feel so stupid while I am writing these things. I am so childish. I have to stop complaning and really to do something about it. I guess that my problem is that I am not active at all. I am studing at home, just sitting, reading. If someone reads this, please don’t have a laugh at me. I’ll try to grow up.

I am fat and I’m not happy about it. I would like to change it not only because of me, but because of the people that are dear to me as well. Nothing can ruin your look like fat. It is awful. I am not disciplined and I eat whatever I want and whenever I want. Like I can not think. Like I am not human being. I would like to be able to dress better and to feel better, to be prettier to my husband. It is not too hard but I am too lazy and I am not active as much as I should be. I should do something about it because I want to feel nice all the time and I don’t want let my life pass just like that.